The Placid is presently in orbit around Josephus IV, overseeing the second stage of construction for the new Federation colony. They've already chosen a name for it, and it's terrible.
[VULCAN FEMALE] That is a subjective judgment.
There's no regulation forbidding subjective judgment of colony names—and, even if there was, they'd make an exception for "Empyrean Portico".
[EFROSIAN FEMALE] It really is terrible, captain. The construction workers are already calling it "Heaven's Front Porch" instead.
[VULCAN FEMALE] Lieutenant El'Az, an opinion, no matter how pervasive, is not a fact.
The captain is technically correct, but that doesn't mean I'm wrong in my assessment. It just means that she has a blind spot when it comes to naming places.
[VULCAN FEMALE] As your reasoning and conclusion are wholly illogical, I have no logical avenues of refutation.
I think that's Vulcan for "that's so stupid, I don't even know where to start".
[VULCAN FEMALE] A crude but essentially correct interpretation.
Then, according to the rules I've just made up, I win. –'Az, are you still scanning the site?
[EFROSIAN FEMALE] Yes, sir. No unusual geological activity, and no unexpected life form readings.
Increase the scope of the scan by two miles in all directions. If something seems wonky beyond the perimeter, we'll want to let the workers know before it dominoes their way.
[VULCAN FEMALE] Your word choices defy my expectations once again.
Perfect. One day I'll finally render you speechless.
[EFROSIAN FEMALE] Commander, would you take a look at these readings? There's something odd, but it's in one of the landing craft.
Let me see... That's definitely a life reading, but awfully weak. Somebody might have been injured and returned to their craft.
[EFROSIAN FEMALE] Weak, and getting weaker. Maybe we should tell someone on site.
[VULCAN FEMALE] Lieutenant Sylek, establish contact with the foreman's office.
[VULCAN MALE] Yes, sir. –This is the USS Placid, calling the foreman of the Empyrean Portico project.
Dreadful name.
[VULCAN MALE] Please, commander, I'm on the communicator. –Yes, I can hear you, ma'am. We detected the presence of a sick or injured person in one of your landing craft. Are you aware of anyone in need of medical assistance? ... Yes, ma'am. ... You are most welcome. –There should not be anyone in that vehicle at this time, and there have been no reported cases of injury or illness among the workers.
[VULCAN FEMALE] Commander Becker, take a medical officer and a security officer down to the site and investigate.
Yes, sir. –Becker to Security. Have Officer Kerrigan meet me in the transporter room ASAP. –Becker to Sickbay. Requesting a medical officer to accompany me planet-side, plus PPE for two humans—and for the medic as well. Meet me in the transporter room at your earliest convenience.
[VULCAN MALE] Your tone is markedly different when speaking to medical personnel compared to security personnel.
Sounds about right. Did you have a question or comment?
[VULCAN MALE] Merely an observation, commander.
I'm definitely not mad at Security or anything.
[VULCAN MALE] Indeed, sir.
[VULCAN FEMALE] Contact the bridge immediately with your findings.
Fine, I know when I'm not wanted. Wish me luck!
[VULCAN FEMALE] Doing so would have no effect on the outcome.
No, but it might get me to leave the bridge faster.
[VULCAN FEMALE] Good luck.
Ouch. Goodbye, cruel captain.
[[THE FOLLOWING IS FROM A TRANSCRIPT OF THE PLANETARY MISSION LOG. THE RECORDED PARTIES' NAMES HAVE BEEN ADDED AS ATTRIBUTIONS AFTER THE FACT.]]
ENS SHARPE: Let me help you with your mask, sir.
CMDR BECKER: That'll do, ensign.
OFF KERRIGAN: I still don't see why we need all this gear to check out one weird reading.
CMDR BECKER: When you're in charge, you can be as slapdash as you want. Me, I've been listening to the Lancet broadcast with Dr. D'naar, and I'm about ready to sleep in a filter mask.
ENS SHARPE: Oh, gosh, did you hear that log excerpt about the rainbow plague? I've even had nightmares about Didy turning blue.
OFF KERRIGAN: ...Seriously?
CMDR BECKER: Apparently the doc's old roommate is editing the broadcast these days.
ENS SHARPE: It's been playing almost nonstop in Sickbay for three weeks now.
OFF KERRIGAN: Eesh. I can tell it's driven you both insane.
CMDR BECKER: Here, it's this one. [...] Not locked. After you, Kerrigan.
OFF KERRIGAN: Shine a light in here. I can't see through the damned mask. [...] Thanks. I don't see anything but solar panels. –Ack!
CMDR BECKER: What do you see?
OFF KERRIGAN: There's an animal in here!
((do they recognize the creature? improbable: Kerrigan - 19 (no), Becker - 10 (no), Sharpe - 2 (yes) ))
CMDR BECKER: Are you sure that's not a person?
OFF KERRIGAN: ...I'm 60% sure. It's not acting like a person.
CMDR BECKER: They might be acting abnormal because they're hurt. –Sharpe, can you scan them from the doorway?
ENS SHARPE: Yes, commander. [...] That's odd. I've only seen readings like this on... hmm. –Dawn, would you mind helping her sit up?
OFF KERRIGAN: Sure, Tim. –Easy there. Nobody's gonna hurt you. There we go.
ENS SHARPE: I can't believe it. She's a Kzinrret!
CMDR BECKER: Kzin...?
ENS SHARPE: Kzinrret. A female Kzinti.
OFF KERRIGAN: I've heard of them. Aren't the females supposed to be, um... unintelligent?
ENS SHARPE: I've never spoken to one, and the only other Kzinrret I've ever met was seriously ill. –Hi, miss. My name is Tim Sharpe. Do you understand what I'm saying?
OFF KERRIGAN: I don't think she does, Tim.
CMDR BECKER: She doesn't look well. –Ensign, you said you'd seen these readings before. Could she have the same illness?
ENS SHARPE: Oh, I very much doubt that. The Suraani virus is highly contagious. It would be spreading through the workers by now.
CMDR BECKER: Can you diagnose her here?
ENS SHARPE: Yes, but I'll need some time. –Miss, I'm going to take some readings with another instrument. This might tickle a bit.
CMDR BECKER: We'll give you a moment with your patient. –Kerrigan, step outside with me.
OFF KERRIGAN: Coming, sir.
CMDR BECKER: [...] About the betting pool...
OFF KERRIGAN: Ah... that.
CMDR BECKER: I've been made aware of the nature of the bets.
OFF KERRIGAN: I– I'm sorry, commander. I didn't see any harm in it.
CMDR BECKER: Neither did I, when I didn't know the wagers involved other ranking officers. Now that I know, I'm afraid I must ask you to stop.
OFF KERRIGAN: Yes, sir. I understand.
CMDR BECKER: It wouldn't have amounted to anything, anyway.
OFF KERRIGAN: Sir?
CMDR BECKER: I don't stand a chance with either of them.
OFF KERRIGAN: Commander–
ENS SHARPE: Commander, Dawn, you can come in now.
CMDR BECKER: What have you learned, ensign?
ENS SHARPE: It's not Suraani, thank goodness.
OFF KERRIGAN: Great. Can I take off the mask?
ENS SHARPE: Don't do it, Dawn. This might not be virulent, but it's pretty bad. I don't think she'll survive without drastic intervention.
CMDR BECKER: What are her symptoms?
ENS SHARPE: Low-grade fever, muscle weakness, and an evidently progressive paralysis of the upper respiratory system. She can't stand up on her own, and she's struggling to breathe.
CMDR BECKER: And the disease is contagious?
ENS SHARPE: It would be dangerous to assume otherwise until we have done further testing.
CMDR BECKER: And that, Kerrigan, is why I insisted on the masks.
OFF KERRIGAN: You've convinced me, sir.
First Officer's Log, Supplemental:
We have established a medical lab and hospital unit on the planet surface a few miles from the worksite. So far we only have the one patient, and with luck it will stay that way.
After a battery of tests, the medical consensus is that whatever caused the Kzinrret's symptoms is not transmissible by any means currently known to epidemiology, so Sharpe and I have unmasked. We may have scared Kerrigan, though—she won't come anywhere near the pavilions without a mask. Honestly, that's a sensible attitude for a security officer... especially after the incident on Psi Secundus. As long as it doesn't interfere with their duties, I encourage all my subordinates to take any precautions they like.
[HUMAN FEMALE] Thank you, commander.
...One of these days, I'll record a log from start to finish without being interrupted.
[HUMAN FEMALE] Sorry, sir. You might consider–
You'd better not be about to say "recording the logs in my quarters", Kerrigan.
[HUMAN FEMALE] Of course not, sir. I was going to suggest that you could order us not to interrupt while you record your log.
That's almost a good suggestion. Two fatal flaws: it doesn't work, and even if it did I'd still have to contend with the captain's interruptions.
[HUMAN FEMALE] Really? Even the captain...?
Especially the captain. Most people just happen to show up or ask me a question, but the captain comments on my log intentionally.
[HUMAN FEMALE] You gotta be pulling my leg. Our Vulcan captain keeps deliberately messing with you?!
Yeah, you'd think I was making it up—but come up to the bridge sometime and you'll see.
[HUMAN FEMALE] ...Commander, do you really believe you don't have a chance with–
Don't.
[HUMAN FEMALE] Yes, sir. My apologies for... all that.
It's fine. ... C'm'on, let's see what Sharpe's up to now.
[HUMAN FEMALE] Yes, sir!
Boo!
[HUMAN MALE] Ack! –Commander, sir!
[ORION NONBINARY] Bec, don't you have anything better to do than scare my nurses?
Not really. We're still waiting on the shipping outfit to relay the landing craft's usage history. How's everybody up there?
[ORION NONBINARY] Bored, apparently. I've been getting calls from all over the ship, asking how things are going down there.
That's weird. Why don't they just contact us directly?
[ORION NONBINARY] I asked them all, and most of them gave vague excuses about your team being busy. Then the captain herself called, and I insisted on a proper answer. You'll never guess what she said.
I wouldn't even try.
[ORION NONBINARY] She said, and this is a direct quote: "I have instructed the crew not to initiate contact with Commander Becker so as to avoid interrupting her log." I tell you, my jaw just about hit the floor.
...Whoever says that Vulcans don't tell jokes is clearly not acquainted with any.
[ORION NONBINARY] Why don't you go call Logan before she loses her mind? –if it's not already too late. I heard her call that little whirligig creature of hers your "godchild".
That's not her fault—I'm the one who decided to be Crys's godmother.
[ORION NONBINARY] Humans are so weird. –Yes, you, too, Tim, but I like you anyway. Let's get back to the question of the Kzinrret's illness. You're sure there's no viral shedding or pathogen traces?
[HUMAN MALE] Nothing I can detect. Air quality here is typical of a Class-M planet, so there's bacteria, pollen, and so forth—but nothing substantively harmful.
[ORION NONBINARY] But no environmental toxins? You've checked the landing craft as well?
[HUMAN MALE] Yes, doctor. We took samples of everything—Dawn and I—outside and inside.
[HUMAN FEMALE] It's true, doctor. I've got the sore knees to prove it.
[ORION NONBINARY] What about radiation?
[HUMAN MALE] Normal background levels. The on-site geologist said there were a few spikes at the lower frequencies early on, but that had resolved back to normal before the landing craft ever arrived.
[ORION NONBINARY] I know you'd rather not do biopsies when she's in such a precarious condition, but at this point we'll have to risk it.
[HUMAN MALE] All right, doctor. I'll get to work on that shortly. I might take a nap first, though. My hands are a little unsteady.
[ORION NONBINARY] Have something to eat, too. –Bec, if you're going to spook the boy, make sure he's got his strength up.
He's getting his three squares. Kerrigan's keeping after him.
[HUMAN FEMALE] ...Maybe a little. Honestly, I just drag him to the canteen so I have someone to talk to who doesn't ask about my bra size.
Same reason I like talking to Sylek. There's a few good men in the universe, and it seems they were all assigned to the Placid.
[ORION NONBINARY] Oh, I wish I could see Tim's expression right now. How embarrassed is he?
...You okay, Sharpe? –Sharpe!
[HUMAN FEMALE] Tim–!
[ORION NONBINARY] What's happening?
Take it easy, Sharpe. I'm gonna lay you down on the cot for now. –Doc, he's having trouble breathing and can't speak.
[ORION NONBINARY] Shit. Are you two masked?
[HUMAN FEMALE] I am... but the commander isn't.
...Doc, we're going to establish a quarantine until we figure out how the contagion works. Don't let anyone else beam down.
[ORION NONBINARY] Bec, if you've been exposed–
Let's assume I have been. I'll need your guidance to continue the research. –Kerrigan, bring Sharpe to the hospital tent, and make sure everyone else has PPE.
[HUMAN FEMALE] Right away, sir. –It's okay, Tim. We'll figure this out.
[ORION NONBINARY] [...] Think she's sweet on him?
Nah. She's clearly fond of him, but there's no expectation. I like that she's sensible and sensitive. Sharpe could learn a lot from her.
[ORION NONBINARY] I hope he gets to. ... You'd better let the captain know the situation.
Doc... I know it's a lot to ask, but–
[ORION NONBINARY] I get it. I'll tell her.
Would you give her a message from me?
[ORION NONBINARY] Depends on the message.
Tell her that... I'm looking forward to her next interruption.
[ORION NONBINARY] I'll tell her. Hang in there. Sickbay out.
[...] Dammit. I suck at research.
[[THE FOLLOWING IS FROM A TRANSCRIPT OF THE PLANETARY MISSION LOG. THE RECORDED PARTIES' NAMES HAVE BEEN ADDED AS ATTRIBUTIONS AFTER THE FACT.]]
CMDR BECKER: I hate all your equipment, doc, but I especially and particularly hate the micro-tools. I feel like a backhoe trying to thread a needle.
LT CMDR D'NAAR: First of all, it isn't my equipment. Secondly, the whole point of the micro-tools is to let us big lugs manipulate samples at the cell level.
CMDR BECKER: So what you're saying is, I am a backhoe?
LT CMDR D'NAAR: What I'm saying is, you're an idiot.
YN LOPEZ: Commander Becker?
CMDR BECKER: ...Am I losing my mind, or is Yeoman Didymus Lopez right behind me?
LT CMDR D'NAAR: I heard his voice, but you're in a much better position to confirm it. –Hey, Didy. I didn't realize you were down there.
YN LOPEZ: I'd only just beamed down to surprise Tim when I heard the quarantine notice. He just fell asleep, so I thought I'd check in.
CMDR BECKER: That was hours ago. You've been looking after Sharpe this whole time?
YN LOPEZ: Well... yeah.
CMDR BECKER: And now I can't even be mad at you. You've got your PPE, you're being a good friend... How are you with micro-tools?
YN LOPEZ: ...Sir?
CMDR BECKER: Never mind, yeoman. –Doc, I'm taking a break before I lose my mind and start chewing on the tools.
LT CMDR D'NAAR: Good idea. Call me when you get back so I can teach you how the micro–
CMDR BECKER: I CAN'T HEAR YOU, I"M ON BREAK. –Let's take a walk, Lopez.
YN LOPEZ: Yes, sir. [...] Commander, I know you're on break, but would you mind filling me in on the progress of your investigation?
CMDR BECKER: Not at all—though I'm hesitant to call it "progress". We're basically still at Square One.
YN LOPEZ: I have faith in your investigative abilities, sir. You always sort things out in the end.
CMDR BECKER: That's due to about 70% having the best shipmates and about 30% incredible strokes of luck. It's certainly zero percent hard work.
YN LOPEZ: I disagree, sir. You've been gathering data all by yourself since Tim... since he's been out of commission.
CMDR BECKER: For all the good it's done. The landing craft had been used to pick up or drop off materials from 30 different planets in the last month, 10 of them last week, but there's no sign of an outbreak on those planets. We can't even be sure where the Kzinrret came aboard, or how long she'd been sick before we found her.
YN LOPEZ: The pilot's fine, too?
CMDR BECKER: The pilot, the workers, the crew of the transport ship... all healthy as Vulcans. –That ship has a funny name that almost sounds familiar. Muscara, or something like that.
YN LOPEZ: Muscaria?
CMDR BECKER: That's the one! Now, what do I know that word from...?
YN LOPEZ: The Amanita muscaria, sir.
CMDR BECKER: Right! That's some kind of mushroom, isn't it?
YN LOPEZ: Yes, sir. Red and white. Kinda pretty.
CMDR BECKER: I can see naming a ship after it, but why Muscaria? Amanita is a much better name.
YN LOPEZ: I agree, sir.
CMDR BECKER: [...] So. You and Sharpe, eh?
YN LOPEZ: It's complicated, sir.
CMDR BECKER: Lots of good things are. –Let me catch my breath. Boy, I must be out of shape. –Do you mind me asking about it?
YN LOPEZ: No, sir. Tim says your advice helped him out a lot, so I trust you.
CMDR BECKER: That's sweet... and a little mortifying. –Mind if I sit down? I must've been bent over that scope too long—my legs seem to be lodging a complaint.
YN LOPEZ: You do look a bit pale, sir. Should we go back now?
CMDR BECKER: Nuh-uh. Doc will just put me back to work. Now, tell me about you two.
YN LOPEZ: We've become very close, sir, but taking it slow. I didn't want to just catch him on the rebound from the lieutenant's rejection—that would've been wrong. We're developing our friendship, seeing how it goes, talking about our feelings... but I haven't asked him to go steady with me yet.
CMDR BECKER: Do you regret not asking him out before this happened?
YN LOPEZ: No, sir. –I mean, I really, really like him, but I don't want to rush him into something he's not ready for. We need to both want it, truly and freely.
CMDR BECKER: You should be giving advice, not me. You're so mature and patient, nurturing your love 'til it's ready.
YN LOPEZ: Well, I'm a farm boy at heart, sir. You gotta be patient with things that grow if you want a good harvest.
CMDR BECKER: Oh my god—Didy, I've got it! I know what's making them sick! Of course we couldn't find it—it's–
YN LOPEZ: Sir? Sir, what's wrong?
CMDR BECKER: Ffffu...
YN LOPEZ: Sir! Sir, what do I–
CPT T'PIN: Bridge to Becker. Have I interrupted your log, or shall I try again later?
YN LOPEZ: Captain!
CPT T'PIN: Identify yourself.
YN LOPEZ: Lopez, sir—Yeoman, second class.
CPT T'PIN: Why are you answering Commander Becker's communicator?
YN LOPEZ: I'm with her right now, but she just stopped talking in the middle of a sentence. I think... she might've caught the thing that the others have.
CPT T'PIN: Bridge to Sickbay—I need PPE for a Vulcan brought to the transporter room in 15 seconds. –I'll call you back.
YN LOPEZ: Yes, cap– oh.
CPT T'PIN: T'Pin to Lopez.
YN LOPEZ: Lopez here, sir.
CPT T'PIN: How far are you from the hospital pavilion?
YN LOPEZ: Just a short walk.
CPT T'PIN: Take the commander there at once.
YN LOPEZ: Yes, sir, captain. –Sir, she told me she'd figured out the disease right before she lost her voice.
CPT T'PIN: Of course. Even her maladies are contrary. –You are seven seconds late, doctor. –Lopez, stop moving. –Lock onto him and beam me down beside him.
YN LOPEZ: [...] Captain, why did you–
CPT T'PIN: Stand still. –Commander, can you hear me? Blink twice if you understand.
YN LOPEZ: She was fine a few minutes ago...
CPT T'PIN: If she knows what caused this... Hold her steady, yeoman. I need to learn what she knows.
YN LOPEZ: I don't understand, sir.
CPT T'PIN: Hold her steady. –Forgive me for doing this without your consent. I shall try not to delve too deeply. ...Your mind to my mind. Your thoughts to my thoughts. We are of one mind. I know what you know. I feel– no, not that. Just think about the disease.
YN LOPEZ: [...] Captain, you're freaking me out.
CPT T'PIN: Spores.
YN LOPEZ: Wha... what?
CPT T'PIN: Fungal spores. They aren't released constantly—only when the time comes, irregularly, so tests conducted between those instances showed nothing. The fungus hides within the tissue except when its spores are ready.
YN LOPEZ: That's horrible!
CPT T'PIN: Tell Dr. D'naar that the disease is caused by fungal spores. Have them beam down and start working on a treatment plan.
YN LOPEZ: Yes, sir, captain! –but what about–
CPT T'PIN: I will take the commander to the pavilion.
YN LOPEZ: Yes, sir.
CPT T'PIN: [...] Carry out my orders, yeoman.
YN LOPEZ: Right, yes, of course. –sir.
CPT T'PIN: Finally. [...] I am sorry for the intrusion. It was necessary, yet I regret the circumstance. I anticipate that you will be cross with me.
First Officer's Log, Supplemental:
Goodbye, hopefully forever, to Empyrean Portico. Having defeated the fungus among us, Dr. D'naar is taking a well-earned break.
[ORION NONBINARY] This isn't a break—it's a house call.
That would be more convincing if you weren't lying on my bed, eating my chocolates.
[ORION NONBINARY] You say your chocolates, I say your medical fee.
It's my log, and my room, and mychocolates. Those were a gift from my godchild.
[ORION NONBINARY] Where did an energy being get chocolates from?
Well, from Logan, obviously, but Crys delivered them. She gave Crys a little grabby arm.
[ORION NONBINARY] Just one arm?
Yes. Logan says it's to let Crys get used to operating appendages. Looks hilarious.
[ORION NONBINARY] Aren't you going to log how you figured out what was causing the illness?
You're not the boss of me. –It was dumb luck, plus a serendipitous conversation with Didy. We talked about mushrooms and patiently waiting for things to grow, and suddenly it clicked—just in time for the vocal paralysis.
[ORION NONBINARY] We should call it "Becker's syndrome".
Don't you dare. –We should let Amanita give it a Kzinti name.
[ORION NONBINARY] Who? –Oh, right, the Kzinrret. Is she really okay with that name?
Apparently the Kzinti have to earn their names, so when Kerrigan suggested it she was overjoyed. She's insisted on sharing a room with Kerrigan, you know.
[ORION NONBINARY] I know now. How's Dawn handling it?
Gracefully. One of these days, those two might end up on a double date with Didy and Sharpe.
[ORION NONBINARY] Ugh. You humans just can't help yourselves.
Then we're awfully lucky that we're not alone in the universe.
[ORION NONBINARY] That's for damn sure.
Is there any possibility that I could be alone in my room...?
[ORION NONBINARY] Are you going to order me to leave?
I'm not a complete jackass, doc. I'll just order you to get off my bed and quit eating my chocolates.
[ORION NONBINARY] Ugh. I'll just leave. Enjoy your chocolate.
Really? Just one left? Stinker. [...] At least it's nougat.
...Really? –Come in, unless you're Dr. D'naar, in which case a toll of one box of chocolates will be required.
[VULCAN FEMALE] You would not require more chocolates if you had simply forbidden the doctor from eating them all.
That's true, captain.
[VULCAN FEMALE] I had anticipated a less reserved response.
Sorry. I guess I'm still a bit off.
[VULCAN FEMALE] You did not seem so with the doctor.
Didn't I?
[VULCAN FEMALE] Commander.
...I don't know how you can stand to look at me.
[VULCAN FEMALE] What do you mean?
You've been in my mind. Everything I didn't want you to know came right to the surface.
[VULCAN FEMALE] I thought you would be upset. I did not expect that you would feel shame.
Of course not. You didn't know what I was keeping from you. How could you have understood?
[VULCAN FEMALE] I still do not understand the source of your shame. What happened to you was not your doing, and what you have become is immaterial.
You wouldn't think like that if you weren't a Vulcan. Other humanoids would be... revolted.
[VULCAN FEMALE] Then do not tell other humanoids. If it troubles you that I am aware of it, then I shall disregard the knowledge entirely. All will be as it was.
Even you don't believe that. I know when you're bluffing, captain.
[VULCAN FEMALE] ...If I could undo what I have done, I would do so.
I believe you. I just don't know... how to get past this.
[VULCAN FEMALE] Lois–
Don't—please, don't.
[VULCAN FEMALE] Becker, I need my first officer. I need you as you are—as you were, as you will be—at my side.
...You really aren't bothered by it at all?
[VULCAN FEMALE] I fail to see why it should cause any concern or distress to anyone. It is merely a fact.
Thank you, captain.
[VULCAN FEMALE] Now rest. I expect you to appear on the bridge tomorrow, well-rested, sharp, and blithely illogical, at 0600.
...What, I don't get to sleep in? I'm technically still a patient in recovery.
[VULCAN FEMALE] That was the response I anticipated.
