First Officer's Log, Stardate 4550.5 

The Placid is presently on an errand run to the rehabilitation center on Gilead Prime. I spent a while there a decade ago, and my memories aren't exactly crystal clear, but I recall that the place is cozy and welcoming—as long as you stay indoors. 

[CYBERNETIC NONBINARY]
what hap_pens if you go outside on gilead bec godmother ///

It's a Class K planet, so oxygen-breathers are already guaranteed to have a bad time, but there are geysers all over the surface—and the pH of the groundwater is about 2, so without protective gear most corporeal life forms start getting basically digested. 

[CYBERNETIC NONBINARY]
technical_ly they would get acidical_ly digested // basic is the op_posite of acidic // 

You've been hanging around Sylek too much. His tendency to correct people is rubbing off on you. 

[CYBERNETIC NONBINARY]
i wil_l stop if you wish bec godmother // 

Eh. It's cuter coming from you than from him. 

Where was I...? –Oh, right, Gilead Prime. I wonder if anything's changed since I was there. They've probably upgraded the facilities, and there's bound to be new staff. 

If the captain orders me to, I'll beam down with the landing party, but otherwise I'm not feeling sufficiently nostalgic to visit the place. Odds are there's no one left who remembers m–

[VULCAN MALE]
Bridge to Commander Becker. Please respond.

I'm the opposite of surprised. –Becker here.

[VULCAN MALE]
We will arrive at Gilead Prime in two hours and forty-six minutes. 

You really interrupted my log for that?

[VULCAN MALE]
We have a call from the rehabilitation center from a Dr. Ticcalal. He asked for you by name. 

Oh! Well, that's a different matter altogether. I'll take it here, if you don't mind. 

[VULCAN MALE]
I fail to see why I should mind–

Just transfer the call, Sylek.

[VULCAN MALE]
Yes, sir.

[BOLIAN MALE]
Where's my gray-eyed girl?

Cal! You're still pulling legs on Gilead? 

[BOLIAN MALE]
It's a thankless job, but someone has to do it. Those knees still holding you up?

I've been putting them through their paces.

[BOLIAN MALE]
It's great to see you, kid. We could really use your help.

My help?

[BOLIAN MALE]
Yours and your crew's. Something's happening here that we haven't been able to solve by ourselves. We're at a loss.

Must be serious if you're asking for my help.

[BOLIAN MALE]
Don't sell yourself short, kid. I've kept up with your service record over the years. You're the best officer ever to walk out of here.

[CYBERNETIC NONBINARY]
it is true that bec godmother is an ac_complished of_ficer // 

[BOLIAN MALE]
That little thing can talk?!

Hey, that's my godchild you're talking about!

[BOLIAN MALE]
Huh. ...Bring your godchild down with you to meet Uncle Cal. 

What do you think, Crys? Up for a trip to Gilead?

[CYBERNETIC NONBINARY]
as long as we stay indo_ors bec godmother // 

[BOLIAN MALE]
Smart. See you soon. 

Soon, Cal. Bye. –Becker to Bridge. 

[VULCAN MALE]
Receiving.

Ask the captain if I can beam down when we reach Gilead.

[VULCAN MALE]
Yes, sir. I take it that Dr. Ticcalal is a friend of yours.

He was my doctor when I was recovering after... well, you know.

[VULCAN MALE]
I see. Just a moment. [...] The captain has approved your request.

Great. Give her a kiss from me.

[VULCAN MALE]
Commander, please...

Never mind. More fun to do it myself, anyway.

[[THE FOLLOWING IS FROM A TRANSCRIPT OF THE PLANETARY MISSION LOG. THE RECORDED PARTIES' NAMES HAVE BEEN ADDED AS ATTRIBUTIONS AFTER THE FACT.]]

DR TICCALAL:
Just leave the supplies here; the orderlies will take care of it.

CMDR BECKER:
Still bossing the little people around, Cal?

DR TICCALAL:
Hey, kid! Wow, look at you in your gold braid! You've grown into a lovely lady and no mistake.

CMDR BECKER:
And you've gotten smarmier, you old fox. How's the family?

DR TICCALAL:
All well. My oldest just entered the academy, so my wife and co-husband are staying on Earth to help her settle in. The twins are still at boarding school, but at the break they'll be staying here—as long as we solve the problems we've been having.

CMDR BECKER:
That's what I'm here for. –Oh, let me introduce you all. –Cal, this is Tim Sharpe, one of our medical officers; Didy Lopez, one of our yeomen; Dawn Kerrigan, one of our security officers; and two entirely unique persons: my godchild, Crys, and our guest, Amanita.

DR TICCALAL:
Pleased to meet you all. I'm Dr. Elo Ticcalal, chief administrator of the rehabilitation center. Let me show you around, and fill you in on what's been happening.

CMDR BECKER:
This place is bigger than I remember. How much have you expanded since I left?

DR TICCALAL:
A fair bit. Say, kid, not to seem inhospitable, but why'd you bring a whole circus with you?

CMDR BECKER:
I didn't mean to. It was going to be just me and Crys, but then it kinda snowballed. Len said I needed to bring a security officer, so I asked Kerrigan, and she said she wanted to bring Amanita, and then D'naar said I should show Sharpe the place, and then Didy asked to tag along... You can uninvite us if it's too much.

DR TICCALAL:
You're such a pushover. 

CMDR BECKER:
Oh, like you're some kind of hardass.

DR TICCALAL:
Ha! I've missed having someone around who treats me like a regular guy instead of a doctor.

CMDR BECKER:
You'll get sick of it again in no time. –Hey, Sharpe, c'm'ere. –Mind if I show him your arm?

DR TICCALAL:
Not at all. You sure he won't faint?

ENS SHARPE:
Yes, commander?

CMDR BECKER:
Take a look at the doctor's right arm.

ENS SHARPE:
Oh... oh my god.

DR TICCALAL:
See?

CMDR BECKER:
Wait for it.

ENS SHARPE:
I can't believe I'm seeing an original Dana-series prosthesis. Is it the Mikado model or the Xerxes?

DR TICCALAL:
...It's the prototype for the Xerxes model.

ENS SHARPE:
The finger dexterity is phenomenal. Do you have the classic or progressive intras?

DR TICCALAL:
I tried the progressive, but I find that the precision control just doesn't match up to the classic, so I'm running the classic set with some progressive tweaks. 

ENS SHARPE:
Gosh, I wish I'd brought a data recorder. Mother would be so thrilled to see this.

DR TICCALAL:
I'd be happy to run you off a copy of the specs.

ENS SHARPE:
Really?? That would be incredible! –Didy, come here, you've gotta see this! 

YN LOPEZ:
That's a pretty swell arm, doc. Xerxes model?

CMDR BECKER:
What a bunch of nerds. –Kerrigan, what's on your mind? You keep frowning.

OFF KERRIGAN:
I keep getting this feeling like we're being watched. Is there a surveillance system in place? I haven't seen any equipment...

CRYS:
there is a sensor grid run_ning through the wal_ls ceiling and flo_or of this cor_ridor ker_rigan of_ficer //

OFF KERRIGAN:
That's some serious surveillance. 

CMDR BECKER:
Huh. I don't think that was there ten years ago. –Crys, can you tell what kind of sensors they are?

AMANITA:
Eyes and ears. 

OFF KERRIGAN:
What's that, babe?

CRYS:
amanita is cor_rect ker_rigan of_ficer // the sensors detect visual and aural information // 

OFF KERRIGAN:
Wow. You're just full of surprises, aren't you, babe? 

AMANITA:
For you!

CMDR BECKER:
I'm beginning to think this isn't so much a mission as a couples retreat.

CRYS:
you always have me bec godmother // 

CMDR BECKER:
Even if that's a joke, I still appreciate it. 

DR TICCALAL:
Hey, kiddo, let me borrow you for a sec. –Agata, would you show all these lovely people to the atrium? I'll retrieve them shortly. –This way. [...] I finally have a nice big office. Have a seat. –Oh, you're here, too, little guy?

CRYS:
hel_lo tic_calal doctor // do you mind if i stay with bec godmother ///

DR TICCALAL:
Not at all... Crys, right? I'm afraid I'm absolutely terrible with names.

CRYS:
yes that is the name i was given tic_calal doctor // 

CMDR BECKER:
Okay, Cal. Tell me what's got you all spooked.

DR TICCALAL:
There's something strange happening in this facility. I'd think it was just a series of tragic coincidences... but then we had a close call, and I realized there was more going on than I'd thought.

CMDR BECKER:
What kind of close call?

DR TICCALAL:
A handful of patients somehow got outside, and... we found out too late to save them. They had been very troubled, so naturally we investigated their deaths as self-determined.

CMDR BECKER:
Is that when you installed the sensor grids in the corridors?

DR TICCALAL:
How'd you know about those?

CMDR BECKER:
My talented godchild. Crys subsists on almost all kinds of energy, so if there's a power source Crys can always find it.

CRYS:
i usual_ly help out in engine_ering // 

DR TICCALAL:
That's a pretty useful skill. –No, the grids were put in a couple months ago as part of an overall tech upgrade. The idea is that the computer can identify if one of the patients is in distress and notify the staff immediately. It's reduced the average number of injurious falls by almost 30%. 

CMDR BECKER:
Impressive. Have you been able to use the computer data to learn exactly what happened to the patients who ended up outside?

DR TICCALAL:
It didn't give us much. They all just went to an outside door, alone, and then went through it.

CMDR BECKER:
Why were the doors unlocked?

DR TICCALAL:
They shouldn't have been—but it was a different door every time, so I thought–

CMDR BECKER:
You thought it might've been staff carelessness, and you didn't want to put a black mark on someone's record for a simple mistake. I get it—but you're still an idiot. 

DR TICCALAL:
Ouch. I mean, you're right. If I'd been more draconian about it, we would've caught it sooner.

CMDR BECKER:
What was the near miss?

DR TICCALAL:
It was one of my nurses this time, not a patient. He'd been depressed recently, and by sheer luck I went left instead of right and ended up at the north-side emergency exit—and there he was in the open doorway.

CMDR BECKER:
What did he tell you?

DR TICCALAL:
He said... he'd been going to that door nearly every day and pulling the handle as a reminder that the door was locked and he was safe here... but, that day, it was unlocked.

CMDR BECKER:
So someone left the door unlocked in the interval between his visits to the door... and it's probable that they had observed his ritual before. You think it was done deliberately?

DR TICCALAL:
Exactly. I think we might have an angel of death on Gilead.

First Officer's Log, Supplemental: 

It's so weird to be back here after all these years.

The last time I came to Gilead, I was re-learning how to walk on a brand-new set of legs, devastated that Idylle had broken up with me, and not entirely sure if I was even still me. I'm in such a different place in my life that the version of me who was here before seems like a total stranger.

Cal is exactly as I remember him, though. He's–

[CYBERNETIC NONBINARY]
query bec godmother // 

Go ahead, sweetie. 

[CYBERNETIC NONBINARY]
what type of facility is this ///

Didn't I say...? I guess not. Its primary function is physical rehabilitation. They specialize in cases where the patient has received a transplant, artificial organ, or prosthetic limb.

[CYBERNETIC NONBINARY]
did i miss a joke ///

No, no—I was just remembering how everybody thought that I was weird for having a complete body. Just about everyone else had some part of them swapped out, so I was considered a freak.

[CYBERNETIC NONBINARY]
that is an unusual reversal of expectations //

Not that I felt complete, of course. They weren't "my" legs—they were my "little brother's", as far as I was concerned. Without Cal, I might still be thinking that way.

[CYBERNETIC NONBINARY]
how did he change your mind ///

He showed me. It took awhile for me to build up strength in my new muscles, and all the time Cal helped me to develop a new sense of self—an identity that encompassed who I was, who I had become, and who I could be.

[CYBERNETIC NONBINARY]
that is what you helped me to do too bec godmother //

...Huh. I guess I did. That's pretty cool.

–We should get back to work. Have you found anything weird in the sensor array?

[CYBERNETIC NONBINARY]
the ar_ray ap_pears to be functioning normal_ly // however there are ir_regularities in the mechanism of the do_or // 

Really? Tell me what you see.

[CYBERNETIC NONBINARY]
this do_or can be unlocked without an authorized keycard via a specific energy pulse // 

...How could you possibly know that?

[CYBERNETIC NONBINARY]
promise you wil_l not be upset //

Crys, just tell me.

[CYBERNETIC NONBINARY]
i was playing with the conduits and ac_cidental_ly unlocked the do_or //

What?! When??

[CYBERNETIC NONBINARY]
while you were log_ging //

Ah. And you asked what kind of facility this is to see if having the door unlocked was going to be a little problem or a big one. 

[CYBERNETIC NONBINARY]
yes bec godmother //

Thank you for telling me. You're not in any trouble. I'll let Cal know to lock it again when he gets back.

[BOLIAN MALE]
What are you two conspiring? You teaching your godkid bad habits?

Oh, just a little bit of lockpicking. Crys found a way to bypass the keycard reader. Would you re-lock this door?

[BOLIAN MALE]
Uh-oh. [...] Okay, now explain how that little thing jimmied the lock with that tiny little arm.

That's a hysterical image, but it's a bit more– Ack! What's that alarm for?

[BOLIAN MALE]
...That's impossible. No one except me is authorized to... Oh, no...

What is it? –Cal, where are you going? –Crys, stay close to me. We'd better follow him. 

[...] Damn, he's faster than he looks. Which way did he– Hey—Agata, right? What's going on?

[DENOBULAN FEMALE] 
The roof of the atrium is retracting—I don't know how it's possible—I was there ten minutes ago–

Fuck—my team! Is my team still in there?? We need to get them out before–

[DENOBULAN FEMALE] 
It's too late! The alarm has already stopped!

Let go of me! –Crys, don't–!

[CYBERNETIC NONBINARY]
i wil_l stay safe but i want to se_e if the others got out // 

Okay. Be so careful, sweetie. [...] Well? 

[CYBERNETIC NONBINARY]
there is go_od news and bad news // 

Crys, I swear...

[CYBERNETIC NONBINARY]
they are al_l alive but injured //

[BOLIAN MALE]
Clear the hallway! This man needs treatment right away! –Son, if you're gonna cry, at least don't block the gurney.

Cal, is that–

[BOLIAN MALE]
One of yours, yes. Your people evacuated the atrium before the roof opened, so they're the only ones with serious injuries.

Of course. Best crew in the galaxy. –Go get treated, Sharpe. You can't help Didy in this condition.

[BOLIAN MALE]
You're the nurse, son? –Agata, do something about his leg, then have him give you a hand.

Is it safe to go into the atrium now?

[BOLIAN MALE]
You're joking, right? We closed the roof, but there's acid all over the damned place.

[CYBERNETIC NONBINARY]
wil_l the acid af_fect me in the air ///

[BOLIAN MALE]
...I guess not? –You do what you want. I need to get this man patched up.

[CYBERNETIC NONBINARY]
i wil_l investigate the atrium // you may want to help amanita // she se_ems very upset //

Good—yes, good plan. Don't do anything risky, okay?

[CYBERNETIC NONBINARY]
i do not believe i can be seriously injured bec godmother //

Well, this would be a shitty time to find out you can.

[CYBERNETIC NONBINARY]
understo_od // i wil_l avoid danger //

Thanks, sweetie.

[[THE FOLLOWING IS FROM A TRANSCRIPT OF THE PLANETARY MISSION LOG. THE RECORDED PARTIES' NAMES HAVE BEEN ADDED AS ATTRIBUTIONS AFTER THE FACT.]]

CMDR BECKER:
And... done.

AMANITA:
Thank!

CMDR BECKER:
That fur should grow back, right?

AMANITA:
Furs grow.

CMDR BECKER:
Good. I don't think Kerrigan would ever forgive me if your first landing party mission left you with a bald spot.

AMANITA:
A bald?

OFF KERRIGAN:
Bald means no fur.

AMANITA:
Nooooo!

CMDR BECKER:
How's your head?

OFF KERRIGAN:
Still throbbing, but not bleeding anymore. If I catch the idiot who slammed the door into me–

AMANITA:
No furs! Dawn!! No furs!!!

OFF KERRIGAN:
Not you, babe. Some people are bald, but definitely not you.

AMANITA:
Mrrrr... Head?

OFF KERRIGAN:
Getting better.

CMDR BECKER:
How'd you know she meant your head?

OFF KERRIGAN:
Contact vibrational cues, sir. It's a major component of her language.

CMDR BECKER:
I guess you're the only one who'll ever understand her, since she only let me touch her for as long as it took to treat her arm.

OFF KERRIGAN:
Oh, well...!

CMDR BECKER:
So, now that you're both patched up, can you tell me what happened before the roof opened?

AMANITA:
Noise.

CMDR BECKER:
I heard the alarm, and Cal told me how you saved the patients and staff.

OFF KERRIGAN:
We had no idea what was going on, but Amanita heard the locks disengaging—she's got incredible hearing—so we realized we had to get everyone out.

CMDR BECKER:
Nothing else strange happened before that? What did happen, then?

AMANITA:
Music.

OFF KERRIGAN:
One of the patients was playing a Vulcan lute and singing a really sad song. He said he'd written it after he was injured but before he got his prosthetic hand, so it was all about his feelings of despair in that period.

CMDR BECKER:
Was he still in there when the alarm went off?

OFF KERRIGAN:
Yes, sir. He was genuinely frightened, as far as I could tell.

CMDR BECKER:
And nothing else happened?

OFF KERRIGAN:
Not really. –Though the last thing that happened before the alarm sounded was the musician talking about how he'd thought he might be better off dead, and another patient saying that everyone in the room had felt that way at some point.

CMDR BECKER:
And that's when the alarm went off?

OFF KERRIGAN:
Yes, sir, within seconds.

CMDR BECKER:
Then it might not have been premeditated.

OFF KERRIGAN:
You mean– Whoa!

CRYS:
sor_ry ker_rigan of_ficer // i am in a hur_ry //

CMDR BECKER:
Wait—where are you going??

CRYS:
i am not sure // i am fol_lowing a recur_ring electrical pulse to its source //

CMDR BECKER:
Hang on, I'll come with you.

CRYS:
should i slow down ///

CMDR BECKER:
No, I'll manage. –Isn't this the way to Cal's office?

CRYS:
that se_ems to be the case //

CMDR BECKER:
Cal did say he was the only one with authorization to open the roof. The controls must be in his office.

CRYS:
do you think tic_calal doctor wil_l mind if i unlock his do_or ///

CMDR BECKER:
Not if it means catching the angel of death. Go on, sweetie. 

CRYS:
[...] it should open now //

CMDR BECKER:
Freeze, dirtbag! ...Well, that was anticlimactic. No one's here.

CRYS:
there are no recognizable persons but the angel of death is here //

CMDR BECKER:
What do you– Oh. Not a person in the traditional sense, then.

CRYS:
i believe the culprit is the computer system con_nected to the sensor nets //

CMDR BECKER:
...Y'know, I should probably be shocked, but I'm really not. The system might not have direct access to the door mechanisms or the atrium roof, but it has the ability to monitor how everything works, and it's programmed to determine when a patient needs help... If the machine's decided on a different kind of "help", then that would explain pretty much everything. 

CRYS:
shal_l i at_tempt to com_municate with it ///

CMDR BECKER:
If you can, please do.

CRYS:
what should i tel_l it ///

CMDR BECKER:
...Tell it what happened in the atrium. Tell it about how our people—our friends—saved the patients it endangered. Tell it about how you met us, what you've learned from us.

CRYS:
should i tel_l it that what it has done is wrong ///

CMDR BECKER:
...See how it responds to the other information first. I don't want to risk it blowing itself up or shutting down the facility.

CRYS:
okay bec godmother //

[[THE FOLLOWING IS FROM A TRANSCRIPTION OF QUERIES AND RETRIEVALS FROM THE COMPUTER IN THE GILEAD PRIME PHYSICAL REHABILITATION CENTER.]]

QUERY:
What is this unit's primary function?

RETRIEVAL:
This unit's primary function is to assess the wellbeing of each person within this structure and to take appropriate action to prevent damage to each person.

QUERY:
Have you ever disengaged the lock of an outer door while a person was in the adjacent corridor?

RETRIEVAL:
Affirmative.

QUERY:
Were any persons harmed as the result of this action?

RETRIEVAL:
Negative.

QUERY:
Can persons within the structure survive outside?

RETRIEVAL:
Conditionally.

QUERY:
What prompted you to disengage the lock of the outer door?

RETRIEVAL:
A person's wellbeing was harmed by continued existence.

QUERY:
How did you make this determination?

RETRIEVAL:
Variable.

QUERY:
Define variable values.

RETRIEVAL:
Self-report, behavioral patterns.

QUERY:
Define wellbeing.

RETRIEVAL:
Ideal state of physical and mental health.

QUERY:
Define health.

RETRIEVAL:
Fully operational state.

QUERY:
Is existence necessary for health?

RETRIEVAL:
Insufficient data.

QUERY:
Define parameters for health.

RETRIVAL:
Fully operational state.

QUERY:
Define fully operational.

RETRIEVAL:
Able to conduct normal life functions.

QUERY:
Is existence necessary for life functions?

RETRIEVAL:
Insufficient data.

QUERY:
Define existence.

RETRIEVAL:
Being inside the structure.

QUERY:
Are you able to accept new definitions?

RETRIEVAL:
Only authorized personnel may modify existing definitions or add new definitions.

QUERY:
I think I have enough information for my report.

RETRIEVAL:
Unable to parse query.

QUERY:
Do you know what you did wrong?

RETRIEVAL:
Unable to parse query.

QUERY:
Save session transcript.

RETRIEVAL:
Session saved.

First Officer's Log, Supplemental:

In addition to commendations for Yeoman Didymus Lopez, Ensign Timothy Sharpe, and Officer Dawn Kerrigan, I recommend officially making Crys and Amanita part of the crew of the Placid—if they want to be, of course. Both of them contributed to this mission using their own particular abilities and skills. Amanita's vigilance saved the lives of everyone in the atrium, and Crys's ability to trace energy and investigative determination led to identifying the "angel of death".

When Crys said the computer was responsible for what had happened, I expected it to be something like Crys—innocently destructive—or at the very least in some way cognizant of its actions. Instead, it was just... ignorant, if that term can be applied to a device. Its "intelligence" is much simpler than I had anticipated; it operates solely on the parameters it's given, and any ambiguity or lack of specific safeguards can lead to dangerous misinterpretation. I'm glad that Crys has been receiving diagnostic training from Logan and knew how to talk to the computer; my approach assumed a lot of things that proved to be laughably incorrect.

We're sticking around for a bit. Cal and Crys are working together to tighten up the safeguards and refine the parameters of the security software. While they do that, a handful of our people are keeping an eye on the corridors and other common areas, since the sensor nets will be offline until we're sure that the computer won't do anything stupid. Logan's got a team upgrading the locks and latches as an extra–

[BOLIAN MALE]
Got a minute, kid?

For you, Cal, I've got a million.

[BOLIAN MALE]
I'm not that chatty, am I?

No comment.

[BOLIAN MALE]
It's good to have you around, kiddo.

How's it going with the computer?

[BOLIAN MALE]
Fantastic. Your little godchild is a wiz at this. I can't believe they're not some kind of machine at heart.

You wouldn't think so if you'd met it the way we did. Crys has been surprising me so regularly that I'm not sure why it's always a surprise.

[BOLIAN MALE]
They're an incredible creature and no mistake.

How are you holding up? I was a little worried you'd be beating yourself up over this.

[BOLIAN MALE]
I still feel responsible, of course—I'm ultimately responsible for everything that happens in this facility, with or without my knowledge—but your godchild told me that blaming myself was not helpful, and that I should keep that feeling of guilt in the back of my mind so I make better choices in the future.

Oh, wow. I taught it that.

[BOLIAN MALE]
Well, how about that. You've really grown up.

I was just telling Crys about my time here, and how you helped me become who I am. They said I'd done the same thing for them. That felt really good.

[BOLIAN MALE]
Aww. You're a great godmother.

Don't you get all mushy on me now. As long as I'm in the area, I fully intend to be a huge pain in the neck—keep you on your toes, for a change.

[BOLIAN MALE]
Right, right. I'd like to hear more about the other people you've been keeping on their toes. Seems like your subordinates think the world of you. What about the other senior officers?

We're friends as well as colleagues. A bunch of them served with me before, and I'd trust them with my life. I wasn't kidding when I said my people are the best in the universe.

[BOLIAN MALE]
And your captain? She's a Vulcan, right?

Yeah. She's... amazing. –An amazing captain, I mean.

[BOLIAN MALE]
Oho–! Is that a blush I see in those cheeks?

...No comment.

[BOLIAN MALE]
I'm a little surprised, honestly. The way that Vulcan lad who answered our signal reacted when I mentioned your name, I kinda thought... Wait. Are you two-timing your captain??

Jeez, Cal, a minute ago you were saying such nice things about me, and now you're calling me a cheater?

[BOLIAN MALE]
I mean, I'm not trying to accuse you of anything, but–

It's complicated, but the bottom line is that the three of us are consensually involved. Nobody's cheating on anybody.

[BOLIAN MALE]
...I've gotten so used to human monogamy that I'd almost forgotten that not all of you are like that.

If you can have a wife and co-husband, why can't I have a couple of Vulcan lovers?

[BOLIAN MALE]
I shouldn't be surprised that so many people love you.

Shucks, Cal.

[BOLIAN MALE]
I'm proud of you, kid. Have I mentioned that?

Once or thrice. If I–

[VULCAN FEMALE]
Placid to Becker. Am I interrupting your log?

Not only that, you've also interrupted my chat with Dr. Ticcalal.

[VULCAN FEMALE]
Multitasking, commander?

[BOLIAN MALE]
I didn't know you were recording a log. Why didn't you tell me you were busy?

As the captain can attest, my logs are interrupted so often that I hardly even notice anymore. I don't even pause the recording.

[BOLIAN MALE]
You didn't say you were recording me.

You didn't ask! –Captain, did you have a purpose for contacting me?

[VULCAN FEMALE]
Indubitably, commander. I request a status report.

I'd have to check around for exact status, but as far as I know everyone is hard at work.

[VULCAN FEMALE]
Does "everyone" include Sharpe, Kerrigan, and Lopez?

None of them would stay in bed, so we've stationed them in various corridors—in chairs, so they're still resting to some degree.

[VULCAN FEMALE]
Are you the only one not actively engaged in an assigned task?

I am engaged in an assigned task. My captain has requested a status report, and I am presently making that report.

[VULCAN FEMALE]
...Dr. Ticcalal, how long was Becker in residence on Gilead Prime?

[BOLIAN MALE]
Seven or eight months, I think.

[VULCAN FEMALE]
You must have remarkable fortitude to have lived with her for so long without sustaining some degree of mental damage.

Hey!

[BOLIAN MALE]
Who's to say I didn't sustain mental damage?

Hey!!!

[VULCAN FEMALE]
Point well taken, doctor.

Captain, you're a very bad influence. Cal was being nice as pie before you called, and now he's helping you bully me.

[VULCAN FEMALE]
Is this an official complaint?

Not yet...

[BOLIAN MALE]
I think the kid may be right about your influence, captain. Just a minute ago, she was calling you "amazing".

[VULCAN FEMALE]
Is that true, commander?

I'm not telling.

[BOLIAN MALE]
She was blushing, too.

[VULCAN FEMALE]
Is that true?

Cal–! Ratting me out like that...

Obviously neither of you is on my side, so there's only one thing to do.

[BOLIAN MALE]
What's tha–

NOOOOObody knooooows the trouble I've seeeeen~

[VULCAN FEMALE]
Commander–

NOOOOObody knooooows my sorrooooow~ 

[VULCAN FEMALE]
Placid out.

Ha! I win again!

[BOLIAN MALE]
Interesting technique.

Effective, right?

[BOLIAN MALE]
I'm glad you've got good people around you who appreciate how special you are.

"Appreciate" may not be the right word.

[BOLIAN MALE]
Whatever you say, kiddo. I can rest easy knowing you're with the right crew.

What, have you been worried about me?

[BOLIAN MALE]
Well, obviously. I heard about the Saecula.

Hey. First of all, it wasn't that bad.

[BOLIAN MALE]
How is crashing into a planet not bad??

Nobody died in the crash. –Second of all, it got me my first XO gig, didn't it?

[BOLIAN MALE]
It did, at that. I'm still happy for you.

Thanks, Cal. ...Want me to sing you a song?

[BOLIAN MALE]
...I should get back to work on the computer.

Riiight. Bye, Cal.

[...] I hate to admit it, but I really like that Cal worries about me. It's kinda like having a goofy pseudo-dad.

I'd better get back to work, too. –End log.