The Placid is presently orbiting the planet Wuxeti, one of several Class-M planets in the Idlurian system, where we will be conducting a detailed survey of the largest land mass.
Preliminary scans confirm the report made by the starship that originally mapped the system: a range of ecosystems across the continent, from polar through to tropical, with no life forms larger than a labrador.
[VULCAN MALE] A labrador, sir?
A medium-large dog. You could've just looked it up on the computer instead of interrupting me, Mr. Sylek.
[VULCAN MALE] I merely wished to determine the context of your comparison. My intention was not to interrupt you.
Why can't you just listen quietly, like the captain has been doing? She hasn't interrupted me for days.
[VULCAN FEMALE] Only because you have not made any factual errors in my presence during that time.
Et tu, T'Pin...? ...I don't know why I bother.
To continue: since the life forms do not seem to possess the means to harm us, we will proceed with a primarily scientific landing party, accompanied by no more than three security officers. I will be co-leading the party with Science Officer Phiz, who–
[EDOSIAN FEMALE] Captain, something strange is coming up on my scans!
...who is also interrupting my log.
[VULCAN FEMALE] And yet you persist in recording logs on the bridge. –Lieutenant commander, report.
[EDOSIAN FEMALE] I'm picking up... wait, that can't be right...
Just tell us, Phiz. How weird can it be?
[EDOSIAN FEMALE] There's a shuttlecraft on the planet surface, but surely that's impossible.
[VULCAN FEMALE] Finding a shuttlecraft on the planet surface may be unusual, lieutenant commander, but it is certainly not impossible.
[VULCAN MALE] I can find no record of a Federation shuttlecraft having been lost in this system.
Seems like we have a mystery on our hands.
[VULCAN FEMALE] End log, commander.
...Yes, sir. –End log.
First Officer's Log, Supplemental:
Following the unexpected discovery of an apparently intact shuttlecraft from a Federation vessel, the composition of the landing party has changed: we have added our communications officer, Lieutenant Sylek, and one of our medical officers, Ensign Timothy Sharpe.
[EDOSIAN FEMALE] You're still recording, sir?
Mind your own business, Phiz. –My chief concerns regarding our present mission are as follows: we don't know how a shuttlecraft ended up here, nor why it wouldn't have been noted in the record; the flora and fauna may be harmless, but whoever was aboard that shuttlecraft may not be; and the abundance of novel plants and animals means that our science officer is about to be mightily distracted.
[EDOSIAN FEMALE] That's a little presump– Oh, wow, look at that! Do you think it conforms to Terran kingdoms? Its general form suggests a bird...
Go on and take some readings, Phiz. –Billar, stick with her. –Sable, make sure there's at least one of your people with every group of scientists.
[HUMAN FEMALE] What about you, sir?
I'll continue to the shuttlecraft with Lieutenant Sylek and Ensign Sharpe. Sylek has proven himself highly effective as a makeshift security officer. –Close your mouth, Sharpe, unless you want to catch the Wuxeti equivalent of a fly.
[HUMAN MALE] I– I'm sorry, sir.
I'm only teasing, ensign. Let's take a nice leisurely walk to the shuttlecraft, and you can have a nice leisurely conversation with Lieutenant Sylek.
[VULCAN MALE] I was not aware that you desire to converse with me, ensign. Is there a particular subject you wish to discuss?
[HUMAN MALE] I– I only– Sir, I need to check my medikit before we reach the shuttlecraft. Please excuse me.
[VULCAN MALE] [...] Does the ensign's discomfort amuse you, commander?
A little bit. It's just so cute.
[VULCAN MALE] What is it about his discomfort that you find "cute" ?
He's got a massive crush on you, Sylek. That's just precious.
[VULCAN MALE] Others have suggested that Ensign Sharpe is enamored of me, but I fail to understand why he would feel any attraction toward me.
Seriously...? Well, I suppose it would be obnoxious if you knew how attractive you are.
[VULCAN MALE] Excuse me...?
There's the shuttlecraft. –C'm'on, Sharpe, catch up. –Phasers on stun, but keep your fingers off the trigger. We don't want to knock out a friendly.
[DELTAN MALE] Hey! Are those Starfleet uniforms?
Hello! I'm Commander Becker, and oh god you aren't wearing pants.
[DELTAN MALE] I certainly am not! Apologies, commander. I've been alone on this planet for so long that I'm no longer habituated to clothing.
So I see. Please identify yourself.
[DELTAN MALE] Gladly, commander. My name is Etralia Chiv. Ten years ago, I was the chief medical officer aboard the USS Diligent.
That does match up with when the Diligent made the original survey. Lieutenant Sylek, confirm.
[VULCAN MALE] Sylek to Placid. Tie me in with the computer.
In the meantime, I'd like to have our nurse look you over. –Sharpe, you're up.
[HUMAN MALE] Oh, uh... yes, sir. –Mr. Chiv, may I–
[DELTAN MALE] Ooh, what a charming young man! By all means, look as much as you like.
...Needless to say, there will be no physical contact.
[DELTAN MALE] Come now, commander, where's your sense of humor?
I must've left it in my other pants.
[DELTAN MALE] Ha-ha! I like you, Becker.
I'm flattered. –Sylek, status?
[VULCAN MALE] The computer confirms that the USS Diligent had a chief medical officer by the name of Lieutenant Commander Etralia Chiv.
[HUMAN MALE] I've completed the basic medical scans, sir. He's a healthy 35-year-old Deltan.
[VULCAN MALE] Then either your readings are in error, there is a malfunction in your instruments, or this man is an imposter. Etralia Chiv was killed ten years ago in a shuttlecraft accident.
Well, he may have been reported dead by mistake–
[VULCAN MALE] At the time of his reported death, Etralia Chiv was fifty-eight years of age.
...Have a pair of pants beamed down. We're taking this man into custody.
[[THE FOLLOWING IS FROM A TRANSCRIPT OF THE PLANETARY MISSION LOG. THE RECORDED PARTIES' NAMES HAVE BEEN ADDED AS ATTRIBUTIONS AFTER THE FACT.]]
LT CMDR CHIV: I'm happy to comply, of course, but I assure you that I am the genuine article. There's a verifiable explanation for the disparity in your readings.
CMDR BECKER: I look forward to hearing it once you get those pants on.
LT CMDR CHIV: If you insist on depriving your colleagues of this beautiful vista.
CMDR BECKER: I'd ask Lieutenant Sylek for his analysis of that assertion, but that would be inhumane.
LT SYLEK: On the contrary, commander. You are often illogical and prone to mischief, but you are not cruel by any standard I would consider valid.
CMDR BECKER: Thanks... I think.
LT CMDR CHIV: Seems to me that your subordinates would tell you anything you want.
CMDR BECKER: Oh, I hope not. That would drive me crazy.
LT SYLEK: Your pants, sir.
LT CMDR CHIV: Fine. I accept defeat. [...] Now will you permit me to explain how it is that my apparent age is so much younger than my record indicates?
CMDR BECKER: Please do.
LT CMDR CHIV: Shortly after my... arrival... on this lovely planet, I discovered a geothermal pool that remains at a constant temperature of 36°C. Naturally, I took advantage of this unexpected amenity.
LT SYLEK: I have heard that soaking in a hot spring can provide comfort and relief, but not that it could produce an anti-ageing effect.
LT CMDR CHIV: It wasn't instantaneous, of course. I've spent many an hour in that pool over the past ten years. It was at least six months before I noticed that my hair had grown thicker, my skin tighter, and my p–
CMDR BECKER: Got it. Tell us the coordinates for your magic hot tub.
LT CMDR CHIV: Bless me, I never thought to log the coordinates. It's along that path, just a short walk.
CMDR BECKER: That'll do. –Lieutenant Sylek, remain here and keep Mr. Chiv in custody. Mr. Sharpe and I have a date with a hot spring.
LT CMDR CHIV: Ha!
CMDR BECKER: Feel free to gag him if he persists in being obnoxious.
LT CMDR CHIV: Now wait just one second–
LT SYLEK: Understood, commander.
LT CMDR CHIV: Unbelievable. The Terrans were right all along: Hell is other people.
First Officer's Log, Supplemental:
Following the alleged Mr. Chiv's directions, Ensign Sharpe and I located the allegedly age-reversing hot spring. While Sharpe ran tests and took samples, I swept the perimeter and took note of the state of the area.
Although the shuttle and hot spring are located in a lush subtropical zone, there are no living plants within 100 meters of the hot spring, and no sign of animal activity for another 50 meters beyond that. However, Sharpe's initial tests show no known toxins in the water, nor even any particularly high concentrations of minerals that could produce toxic effects by accumulation.
Once we reconvene with Lieutenant Sylek, I'll have Sharpe beam up with the samples to test them in our medical laboratory. I'm not entirely comfortable with the way Mr. Chiv looks at the ensign.
[HUMAN MALE] You don't need to worry about me, commander.
As a senior officer, I absolutely do need to worry about you. As your elder, I retain the right to be moderately protective toward you.
[HUMAN MALE] Um... thank you, sir.
Now, when are you going to tell Lieutenant Sylek about your feelings?
[HUMAN MALE] Sir–!
I'm not teasing you. –Well, I'm not just teasing you. I think it would be better for you to get it out in the open.
[HUMAN MALE] ...Do you think he'd accept my feelings?
That's between you and him. If he accepts, mazel tov. If he doesn't, then you can move on with your life.
[HUMAN MALE] But how could I work with him if he rejects me?
You can barely work with him now. Seriously, though, it wouldn't affect his performance, and you'd come to terms with it much sooner than you'd expect.
[HUMAN MALE] I don't know, commander...
That's the point, Sharpe: you don't know. Uncertainty is part of life, but you can't let it paralyze you. Life is short, and it won't wait for you or anyone.
[HUMAN MALE] That's what Didy told me, too.
Good. Didy's got his head on straight. I'm glad you two are friends.
[HUMAN MALE] Um, commander... about Lieutenant Sylek...
Hmm?
[HUMAN MALE] I'm not sure, but I think... he might actually like–
Don't finish that sentence, ensign. That's an order.
[HUMAN MALE] ...Yes, sir.
Ah, there's the shuttlecraft. –Sylek? –Did he beam up with Mr. Chiv?
[HUMAN MALE] I'm sure he would have contacted you before doing so, even if the captain ordered him to return.
You're right. I'll check the perimeter. You take a look inside the shuttlecraft.
...Continuing my log: Lieutenant Sylek and the alleged Mr. Chiv are missing.
Is that...? Ugh. Mr. Chiv is missing, but Mr. Chiv's pants are not. He must have discarded them while making his escape.
...I shouldn't be worried about Sylek. He's a capable officer. Besides, in an altercation between a Deltan and a Vulcan of comparable age, only an idiot would bet against the Vulcan.
I'm just struggling to imagine why Sylek couldn't prevent the escape. Mr. Chiv was definitely not carrying any weaponry, and I doubt he could have outwitted Sy–
[HUMAN MALE] Commander! I found someone!
"Someone" ? What do you m– Sylek!
[HUMAN MALE] It– it looks a little like the lieutenant, but... much older.
Don't be stupid, Sharpe. –Sylek, can you hear me?
[VULCAN MALE] Commander... my apologies. Mr. Chiv has escaped.
I know. What did he do to you?
[VULCAN MALE] Unclear, sir. I was about to place a gag over his mouth when I suddenly felt the strength leave my body. –Ensign, did I hear you say that I look older?
Don't worry about that. –Becker to Billar and Sable: have your people bring the scientists back on board. If you see a naked man, hit him with heavy stun—don't let him touch anyone. –Becker to Placid: request emergency beam-up to Sickbay for Sylek, Sharpe, and myself.
[VULCAN MALE] You should remain here, commander. Mr. Chiv is still at large.
You let me worry about that. First I need to make sure you're all right, then I need to figure out what to tell the captain. –Beam us up already!
[VULCAN MALE] I'm all right, Lois.
[[THE FOLLOWING IS FROM THE SHIP'S RECORDER. THE RECORDED PARTIES' NAMES HAVE BEEN ADDED AS ATTRIBUTIONS AFTER THE FACT.]]
CPT T'PIN: How is he, commander?
CMDR BECKER: Stable. Whatever caused his apparent ageing, it doesn't seem to be an ongoing process.
CPT T'PIN: Hypotheses as to the cause?
CMDR BECKER: My best guess is that Chiv did something to him.
CPT T'PIN: Evidence?
CMDR BECKER: Circumstantial. He was in contact with Sylek just prior, and he's a 68-year-old with the body of a 35-year-old.
CPT T'PIN: We must question him closely once he has been apprehended.
CMDR BECKER: I recommend we have the security chief conduct the questioning. Lennos is relentless when she wants to know something.
CPT T'PIN: No. I will question him myself.
CMDR BECKER: Very well, sir. ...It must be hard for you to see him like this.
CPT T'PIN: It is a great loss to Starfleet to have a talented officer incapacitated.
CMDR BECKER: I know you're worried about him.
CPT T'PIN: Worry is unproductive, and therefore unnecessary.
CMDR BECKER: Whatever you say, sir.
CPT T'PIN: [...] If you find that worry serves a purpose for you, I do not forbid it.
CMDR BECKER: Thank you, captain. [...] At least there's one upside to this situation.
CPT T'PIN: Explain.
CMDR BECKER: Now you know that the lieutenant will still be handsome far into the future.
CPT T'PIN: More of your humor.
CMDR BECKER: Sorry.
CPT T'PIN: No need. Your attempts at levity invoke a sense of normalcy in spite of our circumstances.
CMDR BECKER: Someday I'll get used to Vulcan compliments.
CPT T'PIN: Why must humans assign positive and negative attributes to every statement of fact?
CMDR BECKER: Purely to annoy logical minds, sir.
CPT T'PIN: ...I am returning to the bridge. Have the doctor report to me when the lab results have been processed.
CMDR BECKER: Yes, sir. Shall I join you?
CPT T'PIN: Not until I summon you.
CMDR BECKER: Very good, sir. [...] She's gone. You can open your eyes now.
LT SYLEK: At what point did you realize that I was conscious?
CMDR BECKER: Right away. There was a change in your breathing when you woke up.
LT SYLEK: I will bear that in mind, should the need to feign sleep arise again.
CMDR BECKER: Why didn't you say anything?
LT SYLEK: I confess to mild curiosity as to what you and the captain would say while I was unconscious.
CMDR BECKER: I wouldn't say anything different, except I'd talk to both of you instead of to just the captain.
LT SYLEK: I have a question.
CMDR BECKER: I'm listening.
LT SYLEK: During our initial conversation on the planet, you implied that you believe that I am... attractive.
CMDR BECKER: Sure.
LT SYLEK: You also implied in your conversation with the captain that you find my present appearance to be handsome.
CMDR BECKER: Are you asking if I genuinely find you attractive?
LT SYLEK: I merely wish to ascertain whether your intention in these instances was merely to be humorous.
CMDR BECKER: I was being humorous, but I was telling the truth. I do find you attractive.
LT SYLEK: Commander–
CMDR BECKER: That reminds me: if Sharpe ever works up the nerve to confess, make sure your answer is clear and precise. If you turn him down, don't give him any room for doubt or false hope.
LT SYLEK: Commander, I also–
CMDR BECKER: Lieutenant.
LT SYLEK: Sir?
CMDR BECKER: Don't make this any weirder.
LT SYLEK: I only... Yes, sir.
CMDR BECKER: Thank you. I'm going to check on the lab results. See you later.
LT SYLEK: Goodbye, commander.
First Officer's Log, Supplemental:
I have returned to the planet surface with two security teams and Science Officer Phiz. While our security personnel search for the alleged Mr. Chiv, Phiz and I will take another look at that hot spring.
The results from the medical lab have established that the hot spring is neither harmful nor helpful. There is nothing to indicate that it has any age-reversing properties.
[EDOSIAN FEMALE] Why would you ever think it did?
Because it sounds very slightly less insane than Mr. Chiv spontaneously de-ageing. Anyway, our science officer was busy chasing butterflies.
[EDOSIAN FEMALE] They were mammalian fliers, and I was just doing my job! I refuse any responsibility for unsupervised science!
Whatever, Phiz. I want you to figure out what the deal is with the dead zone around the pool. If it's not the spring water causing it, then whatever did might explain what happened to Sylek.
[EDOSIAN FEMALE] Don't worry, we'll find the answers and get him back to normal.
It's just up ahead.
[EDOSIAN FEMALE] Eggs with legs! That's a massive die-back!
I don't see any evidence that anything ever grew here.
[EDOSIAN FEMALE] Trust me, it did. The plants in this area have decomposed, and the quality of the soil is excellent. Things should be growing here.
But they aren't. That much I can see.
[EDOSIAN FEMALE] How bizarre. Most of the humus furthest from the pool is registering as fresh. It doesn't make much sense, but it's almost as if there were plants here yesterday that completely decomposed overnight.
Like someone sped up the process?
[EDOSIAN FEMALE] I can't see how. There's no sign of artificial agents that would account for the rate of decay.
Maybe it wasn't artificial. Maybe it was caused by the most natural thing in the universe.
[EDOSIAN FEMALE] What are you talking about?
The will to live.
[EDOSIAN FEMALE] ...I'm not sure if you're being philosophical or if you ate one of those striped berries that cause hallucinations.
I'm not high, and I'm being literal. I think Mr. Chiv is somehow transferring his ageing into the plants, and maybe the animals as well—that would explain why they don't come anywhere near him, and why he feels safe swaggering around in the buff.
[EDOSIAN FEMALE] I hope that turns out to be true, because if that came out of your imagination then I'll be genuinely disturbed.
That's fair.
[[THE FOLLOWING IS FROM A TRANSCRIPT OF THE PLANETARY MISSION LOG. THE RECORDED PARTIES' NAMES HAVE BEEN ADDED AS ATTRIBUTIONS AFTER THE FACT.]]
OFF BILLAR: We have him cornered, sir!
CMDR BECKER: Stellar job, everyone. –Mr. Chiv, do yourself a favor and surrender quietly. Nobody wants to hurt you.
LT CMDR CHIV: This is all just a misunderstanding.
CMDR BECKER: What, you have an identical twin who happens to be able to transfer the effects of ageing to other living beings?
LT CMDR CHIV: ...I suppose you have it all figured out now.
CMDR BECKER: I mean, I don't know how it works or is remotely possible, but it's the only explanation that fits all the facts.
LT CMDR CHIV: I didn't mean to hurt your nice young lieutenant. I just wanted to get out of those pants.
CMDR BECKER: ...I'll admit, that wasn't the reason I was expecting.
LT CMDR CHIV: I didn't need anything from him.
CMDR BECKER: Because you'd already revitalized yesterday.
LT CMDR CHIV: Yes, exactly! I know I overdid it with the lieutenant, and I'll take full responsibility for that.
LT CMDR PHIZ: You mean Becker was right? You caused Lieutenant Sylek's rapid ageing? –and killed all those plants?
LT CMDR CHIV: Yes, yes, and yes, unfortunately.
CMDR BECKER: What I want to know is how you ended up on Wuxeti, and why your crew reported you as dead instead of missing.
LT SYLEK: I believe I can answer that, commander.
CMDR BECKER: Lieutenant! You're looking your age again.
LT SYLEK: Yes, sir. I will explain that later. Now I would like to present a hypothesis concerning your earlier question. –Mr. Chiv, would you be so kind as to confirm whether the hypothesis is correct?
LT CMDR CHIV: I shall gladly do so, lieutenant.
LT SYLEK: I have reviewed the report on the alleged shuttlecraft accident. There was a second member of the crew of the Diligent reported to have died.
LT CMDR CHIV: Yes... poor Ronnie.
LT SYLEK: Rondolo Vedha, ensign, posthumously promoted to lieutenant junior grade. His death was noted as being in the line of duty.
LT CMDR CHIV: Oh, I'm glad they did that. He was a darling boy.
LT SYLEK: My hypothesis is that Mr. Vedha was killed, perhaps by accident, when you developed the ability to offset your body's natural ageing process by imposing it on other life forms.
LT CMDR CHIV: Completely accidental, I swear. I merely took his hand, then suddenly he was very nearly my age, and I was very nearly his. Of course, I attempted to reverse it, but to no avail—and the shock to the poor boy's system was so great that he dropped dead.
CMDR BECKER: Someone else must have witnessed what happened.
LT CMDR CHIV: Another ensign. She was naturally quite upset. Before I had a chance to explain, she shot me.
CMDR BECKER: Not very well, I imagine.
LT CMDR CHIV: It took her a few tries, but in the end she managed to stun me. By the time I woke up, she had already reported to the captain, who also happened to be–
LT SYLEK: Captain Sorangely Vedha, the ensign's mother.
LT CMDR CHIV: Yes. –Was that interruption strictly necessary?
CMDR BECKER: Don't bother, Mr. Chiv. It's a losing battle.
LT CMDR CHIV: Oh, well. –Understandably devastated, the captain marooned me here, with enough supplies that I wouldn't starve to death immediately.
CMDR BECKER: Considering you'd just killed her son, that was downright merciful.
LT CMDR CHIV: I really don't know how this ability came about. I've been through the somewhat limited computer library on the shuttlecraft a dozen times in search of answers, without success.
LT SYLEK: You will have ample time and resources to continue your search once you are in our custody.
LT CMDR CHIV: That's most gracious of you.
LT SYLEK: You will need to be clothed for your safety while in transit to the brig.
LT CMDR CHIV: ...Pants?
LT SYLEK: No, sir. I have a garment for you that may prove more comfortable. I believe the proper term is "kilt".
LT CMDR CHIV: How very kind! Yes, that should be much more tolerable.
CMDR BECKER: Thank goodness. No offense, but I've seen about 300% more of your body than I'm okay seeing.
LT CMDR CHIV: My apologies, commander. [...] Is this better?
CMDR BECKER: Immeasurably. –Becker to Placid. We have Mr. Chiv. Prepare to transport.
LT CMDR CHIV: Is Captain Vedha still in the service?
LT SYLEK: She was killed in an engagement with a Klingon battleship later in the year you were marooned.
LT CMDR CHIV: If possible, I'd like to avoid implicating her in this case—for Ronnie's sake.
CMDR BECKER: We'll see what we can do. –Placid, ready to beam up.
First Officer's Log, Supplemental:
Lieutenant Commander Etralia Chiv is now in our custody, and will face a court-martial upon our arrival at Starbase... I don't feel like looking up the number. I'm still dealing with the image of Mr. Chiv naked, which seems to be burnt into my brain. I can only pray it won't appear in my dreams.
The biological survey of the planet is continuing at a brisk pace. Lieutenant Commander Phiz is very much in her element. I'd bet a case of Saurian brandy that she brings back a new pet.
Now, if pattern holds... yep. –Come in.
[VULCAN MALE] Commander, I have come to explain how I was restored to the appropriate physiological age.
Of course. Let's hear it.
[VULCAN MALE] Our extensive medical facilities were unable to provide a solution. However, our chief engineer came to me with an idea. She said that there is an unofficial engineering network between starships.
That sounds plausible. I'm guessing it has a terrible name.
[VULCAN MALE] The network is known as JEFF, a diminutive form of "Jeffries", derived from Jeffries tubes.
Called it. So, what did Logan find out from JEFF?
[VULCAN MALE] Evidently, another starship encountered a similar issue with its crew, and successfully restored them via their transporter trace patterns. Lieutenant Commander McLaughlin was able to call up the trace from when I was beamed down prior to the incident with Mr. Chiv.
Brilliant. Good to have you back.
[VULCAN MALE] Technically, I never left.
Does correcting me bring you joy?
[VULCAN MALE] I would not say so, commander. I do find accuracy gratifying.
From where I'm sitting, that's the same thing.
[VULCAN MALE] Does being contrary bring you joy, sir?
Yes. It absolutely does.
[VULCAN MALE] Then I am gratified to have provided you with the opportunity for such joy.
Fantastic. Now get out of my room.
[VULCAN MALE] Yes, sir. ...Commander, if I might ask–
Is this about our conversation in Sickbay?
[VULCAN MALE] Yes.
No. That conversation is over.
[VULCAN MALE] As you wish, commander.
Shoo.
Yeah, we're not going there.
...and again. –Come in.
[HUMAN MALE] Commander... I...
Have a seat, Sharpe. Would you like a drink?
[HUMAN MALE] Yes, please.
Sip this slowly. You'll feel better faster.
[HUMAN MALE] Did you know he'd turn me down?
I thought he might. –Not because there's anything the matter with you.
[HUMAN MALE] That's what he told me. Is it weird that I believe him?
Maybe, but it's true, so I'm glad you believe it.
[HUMAN MALE] I thought I'd feel worse than this.
It might take a moment to sink in. Feelings are funny that way.
[HUMAN MALE] Will drinking help?
Only in the way that an anesthetic helps. It'll get you through the initial shock of pain. Once that wears off, you need to focus on healing.
[HUMAN MALE] Thanks, commander. You're so nice to me.
Well, life's hard enough. No need to add to the unpleasantness when you could just... not.
[HUMAN MALE] Mmhmm. [...] Now what?
Now I call Didy to get you back to your quarters in one piece. –Becker to Yeoman Lopez. Please retrieve Ensign Sharpe from my quarters at your earliest convenience.
