Morrigan's time came, and the moment was bittersweet. Tyler insisted on spending the day before together. Part of her felt like it was a waste of time, but she couldnt help feeling afraid that she wouldn't return. She fell asleep in his arms, or maybe he did in hers. It was hard to tell given how tangled up they were.
When she woke, she carefully left the bed, and studied. Morrigan fingers danced across the many pages, going over the steps of the ritual in her mind repeatedly before feeling confident.
When the time came, she put the book down. She stood up, walked to the bed, and gently shook Tyler awake, "Tyler." Morrigan felt him grab her hand. She smiled, "Hey, you. It's time."
They left the room, and walked to a bathroom down the hall. Damon and Isla waited outside the door.
Damon cleared his throat, "It's ready. Had to rob several blood banks, not to mention what we donated, but it's there."
"Thank you," She said, giving him a hug. She turned to Tyler, reaching out for him, "Keep practicing. I'll be back before you know it."
"I hope so." Tyler replied.
"Be careful," Damon said, "we'll take care of him."
Morrigan nodded and stepped inside the bathroom. She brushed her fingers across the lip of the vessel, a tub of silver. She went through the details of the ritual. She had the blood, willingly given, and none of it her own.
She removed each article of clothing, her heart already racing. She stood still for several minutes before finally forcing her body to move. Morrigan lowered into the tub. The blood covered her as she took a blade, began carving into her arm, and didn't stop until each symbol was done, save for one last mark. She had something to say, but wasn't sure if she could. The others have her privacy, but Tyler watched in anticipation. He expected it, or at least desired it. Did she?
She made the final mark and the wounds burned. She winced in pain, letting her arms fall into the vessel as she waited. She heard the sound of something banging against the bottom of the vessel. She looked up, hoped Her eyes met Tyler's, and spoke, "I-"
She felt the bottom give, as if the tub was much deeper than it should be. Her legs fell, dangling in the void, forcing her to take a deep breath.
She felt a tug on her foot, a strong grip that pulled her under the surface. It pulled her deeper, and deeper still. She felt a change, as if down was up and up was down. She felt her body turn, disoriented at the shift in gravity, and felt herself rise instead of fall.
She struggled against the current, blood being much thicker than water. She broke the surface and found herself under a cloudy, red and black sky. The blood made it hard to breathe, as if forming a barrier over her mouth.
Waves carried her forward as she reached and wiped the blood from her face. She was in an endless ocean of blood.
She smiled, when she realized she could see. She saw an island, and began to swim, working with the waves instead of indulging the instinct to work against them.
The waves helped carry her to the shore, but it required effort. Every movement she made met resistance. It took every ounce of strength just to stay above the surface.
She felt something beneath the waves. She didn't know if it was really there or simply paranoia. Regardless, something told her to get out of the water as soon as she possibly could.
She could feel it watching, waiting for her to falter, or perhaps amused by her effort enough to afford her a fleeting hope of success.
The waves were larger, carrying her further but rolling over her and sending her body spinning under the surface. Morrigan panicked, the sheer weight on top of her, pushing her deeper
She fought back, pushing herself up to the surface, clearing her face, so she could at least breathe, and riding the next wave.
Wave after wave, the process became easier. The waves were smaller, and she could avoid being driven under She looked ahead and saw the shore. Another wave came, and she could barely touch the ocean floor. Another wave came, and she could finally stand, walking against the waves as they pulled back.
She felt something brush against her leg. She whimpered, but didn't stop. She felt it wrap around and tug on her, as if to force her off balance, but she endured. When she crawled onto the black shores, she saw nothing on her leg, but still felt its grip. She collapsed, nestling herself into the dark sand. The sand was so soft, its temperature just right for comfort.
She wiped away the blood on her face, looking back to the ocean, anticipating an attack. When it never came, she laid back onto the sand and took a much-needed breath. Her muscles burned, her mind and body equally exhausted. She wanted to rest, to sleep, and the sand didn't do much to dissuade her. It felt like silk against her exposed skin. The sensation was nearly overwhelming.
She wondered if she should sleep, take a rest for what would be a much more harrowing journey than she thought. The sand seemed to wrap around her, blanketing her in pure bliss. She turned her head. Not far from her was a human hand jutting from the sand. It was shaking, the fingers twitching.
She narrowed her eyes, sat up, and brushed the sand off in one swift motion. She was sinking. She stood up, felt the cold breeze, and fought the urge to lay back down. She couldn't take her eyes off the hand. Its convulsion persisted until finally, the hand went limp.
She tore her eyes away in search of a safer place to rest. Beyond the shore stood a treeline, a mass of exotic flora, all shaded various colors of red, black and copper. She stepped forward, her feet sinking deeper with every step.
She took her time, slowly making her way forward until something reached out. An arm burst from under the sand, the body buried underneath. It grasped at the air, feeling around for her in hopes of showing what eternal comfort feels like. Another arm came, then another.
Morrigan sprinted forward, dodging those who failed to pass the test before. Another arm burst forth, and she jumped away to doge it, tripping over her own feel. She fell down a dune of silk sand, stood, and continued forward.
The sand loosened further, and more than just the arm appeared as those beneath clawed their way to the surface. They screamed at her in the most loving way possible. They were desperate to show her how good it feels, how their fate was preferable to anything that lay beyond. Moans and screams erupted from the entire beach. She turned to see mounds of sand slowly moving toward her.
When she reached the treeline, those beneath the sand were gone, but their lament did not go unheard. She heard the tears in their voices as they drifted back to their eternal bliss, waiting for others to join them.
I know you published this last night, so sorry it took way longer than normal to get to. Let's just say that I was attempting to prep for World Ember by making my Meta page and wound up spending a ridiculous amount of time on creating some, if I don't say so myself, pleasing CSS. Onto the actual subject matter: my comments on your chapter! Your opening line is a bit oddly phrased. "Morrigan's time came" you don't really specify her time for what and that phrase generally means her death was coming. You should say something like "It came time for Morrigan to leave, a bittersweet moment." You should also specify why it's bittersweet because I don't know if you mean it because she had a good day before or because she was with Tyler. You suggest the first, but you still could do with a bit of reworking there. "she carefully left the bed" This is fine, but you really should respecify it as "she carefully left the bed as to not wake Tyler" as that's a little more direct. Again, this is the kind of thing that is easily inferred, but it's just as easy to specify for the reader. "Morrigan fingers" should be "Morrigan felt" or "fingered" if that's the word you wanted to go with, but the tense is wrong anyway. "going over the steps of the ritual repeatedly in her mind before becoming confident" The sentence structure here is rather odd. You should probably state it as "repeatedly going over the steps of the ritual in her mind until she was confident she could remember them." "smiled" isn't a way of talking. When you say, "she smiled, 'Hey you, it's time'" you do something weird. I'd rephrase the entire paragraph as it's a little bit clunky with the separation of action and conversation. "reaching out for him" is the same problem, you use it like a dialogue tag, which it isn't. Uhh. Two things about the Scarlet Arts: you've not really ever said why Morrigan's blood can't be used for them and the idea of robbing a blood bank for blood willingly given is a rather... unique... way to get blood, though it does work. "others have her privacy" you forgot the word "let" there. "the sand was so soft, the perfect temperature for comfort" the "so" in this line is a little bit odd. It suggests subjective thoughts, meaning that it would be narrated by a character instead of from a 3rd person perspective. Just say "the sand is soft". Okay. So I got a little distracted while reading, but this chapter had a kind of mysterious, gory horror to it with all the blood and death within the chapter. I liked the description within it and the overall experience. The fact the realm she's in is trying to consume her is also interesting. A great chapter, all in all.
oof. Lots of of issues with this chapter too. Gonna need to slow down lol. So a couple things. First off, no worries man. Life gets busy. second, ill fix alot of these errors and such, but im curious about "Smiled." Smiled is not a way of speaking, to be sure, but it is an action. You can preface dialoge with an action, allowing the action to be it's dialogue tag, and its something I've done many times up to this point. Im wondering why it was so obcious here. Perhaps the chunkiness made it weird? Idk, but i was always under the impression that you can replace the "(character name) said" with that characters actions, as its pretty obvious whos talking. Maybe the comma is off. Idk im gonna need to look that one up. it may need to be a period. Glad you enjoyed it. The wetworks is a pretty fun place to write in.Thanks so much!
Yeah, slowing down can be good for editing. Don't worry about rushing, the only downside is there's a larger probability that I'll forget small things that I should normally remember. But have fun with it and make sure you're happy with what you're putting out! I didn't look into it much, but this is the first source I found. Basically, you can lead into dialogue with "she smiled" as an action. However, the comma into dialogue suggests "smiled" to be a verbalized form of speaking. Therefore, it would need to be a period but the "any action into dialogue" thought technically still applies. Action beats can suggest who's speaking as well, generally being the one being talked about unless otherwise specified. As for why this one stood out, chances are I was just not paying enough attention before or this was the first chapter I went into more specific critiques.
Welll... hmmm.... I got another pass to do then. I've been using commas. Why must i love commas so much?! My bad. Thanks alot for that source! Ill be sure to check for that.