When @[Odin](article:fdbd7a09-e813-4ab4-80e2-c7e371f939a8) All-Father sees you he instantly knows what qualities you will impart to any who choose to follow you. Most of us do not know what our gift will be and many clamor for Odin's attention, hoping that he will make it clear to them. They will then run out into the world and act the part that he has dedicated them to play.
I avoided that like the plague.
I guess it's cool to be a goddess and to help the humans with their problems and all, but I feel that I have enough on my plate with my own life. I don't want to be at anyone's beck and call, and I certainly don't want to be worshiped. What I really want is to have a nice little house of my own somewhere quiet where I can tend to my herbs and enjoy a nice cup of tea while watching the birds, or other creatures going about their lives.
Unfortunately, what we want most in life is often late in coming. When I was still young, Odin caught sight of me and decided that, as the goddess of fidelity, I should be married off to his blood brother @[Loki](article:a4a51b84-055b-4326-aa07-53b1a1ce937d), god of mischief. I guess he felt that I would be the only one who would put up with him. Given how much trouble Loki causes he probably wasn't wrong. Over time though, I began to see that things aren't always what they seem.
I spend decades watching as Loki got into one problem after another. He and I were never in love, but I think we have come to a place where we love each other. From the early days of our marriage, I realized that Loki would not be faithful to me and that I would be faithful to him. We are both true to our nature. He went out and played his tricks and bore, or sired his children as it pleased him. He angered gods and wiggled his way out of punishment. And yet, he treated me kindly and even built me a small cabin in the mountains of Midgard, away from all the drama just as I had wanted.
After each escapade he would come to my home and share his tale; his true tale. I would hear about how easy some gods were to trick over and over, and I came to see just how unhealthy our godly society really is. I saw Odin's manipulations and Thor's bullying. I saw which gods thrived on that sort of aggression, and which only wanted to escape it. I heard from Loki how he used his mischief to rescue other gods and goddesses from the fate that Odin and his bullies had in store for them.
I played the role of Loki's sounding board and keeper of his tales. He knew I would be faithful and not share what he was telling me. So I learned, slowly as he grew to trust me, of his goal to protect the helpless by creating mischief and discord among Odin's followers. I saw how careful he needed to be because of Odin's ill-gotten wisdom. Under all the layers, I saw a good person. I was very careful never to show that I believed that to anyone else. I may not be in love with my husband, but I am very faithful to the person he is.
Then came the incident with @[Baldr](article:939e2586-3625-407e-9356-5f3d31506fc5). Loki was captured and was to be punished. Like the brutes they are, Odin and Thor tracked him to where he was hiding in the mountains and captured him. They took him to a cave and had two of his sons brought in as well, Vali and Nari. In front of Loki, as he was held in place, they turned Vali into a wolf and had him turn on his brother Nari and kill him. They chased Vali out of the cave to face his own fate in his new form, and then desecrated Nari's body, cutting him open and using his entrails to chain Loki to a rock. They cast aside his remains to be consumed by any creature which might come along. Despicable! Because this wasn't enough for them they had @[Skadi](article:4314eeb2-6b0d-45af-af77-1782023eebad) trap a venomous snake above his head where it would drip venom onto him causing excruciating pain.
Of course, I knew nothing of this until the deeds were done. The sad truth is there is nothing I could have done anyway. I am not powerful enough. When I felt the ground shaking relentlessly from my little cabin, I went in search of the source only to find Loki being tortured. I wouldn't. know the full extent of the cruelty until I heard his tale, but what I saw was gruesome enough.
When I saw what was going on, I searched around until I found a rock that had the basic shape of a bowl and held that between Loki and the dripping venom. It gave him some respite and some time to heal. The others came to investigate why the ground had stopped shaking. They saw me holding the bowl over my husband's head and apparently, despite their cold, shallow nature, they did not have the heart to ask me to stop and so they left me to my act of faithfulness. I was able to hold the bowl until it started to near being full, at which point I needed to dispose of the venom in a way that would not harm Midgard. As I was dealing with that the venom would once again land on Loki. In his pain once again the ground would shake.
If I had been stronger maybe we could have had fewer cycles. Collecting the venom gave me time to think about how to get him free. The chains were too much for me. The venom was slowly eating through the rock. When it started to dribble through slowly, I used it to eat away at the bonds that held him in place. I had to go slowly in order to keep the dripping venom from dripping on him while I was slowly breaking him free. One drip in the bowl, one drip on the bindings. It took years, but eventually, I was able to roll him out from under the snake and bring him to my cabin. [Why not free the snake? It would have wreaked havoc on Midgard. It needed to be kept caged and returned to its realm when possible.]
As none of Odin's band lived on Midgard, they were not there when the shaking ended and the world once again became quiet. Loki breathed a sigh of relief as his physical wounds slowly began to heal completely. His emotional wounds would take far longer. He had thought that he couldn't hate Odin and Thor more than he already did, and he was wrong. What they had done to his sons was unforgivable. Once he was healed completely we found Vali and while we could not turn him back into a man [probably because a part of him did not want to return after having killed his brother], we could ensure that he had a safe place away from man to live out his life.
Loki spent years grieving and laying low in my little cabin. We came to have a very close friendship, and I believe he may even have, as I said, found that he does love me as I love him. A love built on mutual respect and acceptance, rather than passion and lust. A very strange sort of love for the Aesir, and far more valuable than any of their sort would believe. When he left for the final time, at the end of days, Ragnorok, we parted with deep grief and understanding. That was his battle to fight, not mine. I miss him still.
