Chapter 9, Dreams Unending

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"You can only see the stars on the darkest of nights now. If I must be surrounded by darkness to see the lights, grant me the ability to see clearly. Grant me the wish of a cloudless night. Grant me yet another day..."

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     The sound of gnashing claws and rending flesh. The sound of steel striking rock and stone. The roars from the combatants, the screams from the onlookers. The crimson sky filled with the smoke of elemental fire and shadows dropping from the trees like bolts of lightning called on fourth to smite the wicked. The voices of the damned echoing sonorously to my ears, over and over, an endless song to the music of this event. Oh the feel of the fight, the weight of the staff in my hand, the heavy metal tip dragging it down to the dirt and soil, as gravity pulled inextricably on all. Glorious. 

     The bloodlust flowing through my veins, the thrill of this battlefield. To put one's soul on the line for your cause, the truest ecstasy no mortal could bear. It rang out, begging to be released, clawed at my ribcage, demanding to be heard. The vibration of the excitement, thrummed like a great drum in time with my heartbeat. I would not deny myself any longer, I couldn't. The self control to not join in the fray for even this long, to bath myself in the blood of my challengers. I rushed headlong into the fight, my hair whipping out behind me, challenging itself to keep pace with me.

     Slashing about, severing hamstrings to allow my soldiers to dispatch them with ease. To silence the screams of the dying, to hush a child amidst a tantrum. The cool quiet of this stillness in death, the sweet voice of the reaper calling one home to the lands in which they truly belong. The sweet trill of my staff as it swung through the air, with speed to bend the haft mid flight. It vibrated as the air rushed past, adding its song to the battle, ringing out as the bells sound for us all, as I struck metal and armor. I charged on, knocking the helm off another combatant, swung him to the ground and crushed his throat before he knew what happened. 

     These were nothing, I didn't care to bother looking at the fallen. Dead weight, pointless. I opened a wedge for my army to rush in and separate the forces, picking them off one by one. I watched my boys' shadows fall from the trees, and drop those below them, the fools thinking they were safe from airborne assault if they hid under cover. There was no safety when my force was granting the hungry earth its well deserved sacrifices. The ground below them, swallowing all who fell, for nothing would satiate the hunger of this blood starved field. 

     The Great Chief, I would not disappoint, I could not, would not. He watched from atop the hill, watching his crusade push ever closer to that immaculate city. The city he so craved, wanted the palace and cathedral for himself. I would grant him this. I needed to grant him this. For before this lord of mine, I should not fail, for the light he granted upon my forces was glorious. I roared as I knocked away spear thrust and sword swing, and delivered my loving kiss to their mortal coils. I would not be denied the pleasure of knowing their souls, knowing they would serve my Father, my oh great lord atop that hill.

     We punctured through the main force, but I was not satisfied. Scattered the mainline, broken like an arrow meeting a wall, the union never to be. I sprinted to the gate, and charmed the archers on the high machicolated walls. My voice rang out like a siren's call, echoing through the fabric of reality around me. The air turned icy as I spoke, and made the stone brittle. The soft touch of my hand to their feeble form, breaking the stone before me. I felled their walls, and their souls.

     I brought my army further into the city as I felt the ground shake. The thunder of my legions boots against the stone, like the great drum beats of this world in time with our goal. The beasts were hungry, I wanted more. I needed more, my heart couldn't stand it. I craved more of the life essence of these fragile beings, I needed to swing my staff, to claim more souls for the service of my Father. For nothing I knew would satisfy my boys, only the battle won, the city captured. The cathedral in our hands, it's great stained glass windows affixed with the image of our Father.

     A massive being shambled into our view, the great husk of a giant. Putrid and decayed. Its chest hollowed, and its spine laid bare for the world to view. Great slabs of skin sloughing off, and crashing to the ground in waves of toxic air. The legions faltered and looked to me for command. I rushed forward to meet our new challenge, eager to prove the glory of the Father. Its many eyes opened, filling its entire form with the endlessness of their gaze. It turned them to me, and I roared in defiance. I would not be stopped, I couldn't be. 

     I sang to the great beast, a slow and intoxicating tone, to bring it to its knees. The world vibrated around me, as I forced my will to be the only will it knew. I froze the air around its form and trapped it there, and swung my staff at its great head. All its eyes watching my face as I swung, fear growing in them in a way they had never known that their mortal eyes could perceive. A noise had caught my attention, and stopped my swing just before landing my blow. Angered at my interruption, I waved a wall of force behind me and felt no resistance. Only the shockwave echoing out against the smoldering walls back to me. 

     Puzzled, this was not what I was expecting, there needed to be resistance for this to be fun. I turned, and saw my army gone. Not gone, but mounds of dead, the plagues flies hovering about them in great clouds. Something in the back of my mind, twitched, begged for my attention. A small voice of conscience? Something about this field of death now seemed false. I felt the countless gazes on my back, and raised my hands to view them. 

     Rotten, decayed, chained to the earth. I tried to wipe the blood away from my face, and found that I couldn't no matter how much I tried. A fear now inside my heart, I frantically wiped away the blood from my face, my hair, my arms and legs. Only it never went away. I turned back to the giant with many eyes, and saw it peer into me. Its gaze piercing my very soul, seeing beyond me, a scared little girl somewhere back in a forgotten cave. That wasn't me, this was me, wasn't it? 

     The blood on my hands and arms, the liquid dripping from my hair. The smell of decay around me, and sank to my knees. I couldn't look away from this giant, I was trying to kill this, wasn't I? Why? Those I slew on that battlefield, what were they. I fought the fog clouding my mind, to remember what I had just done. What was I fighting for? A twinge of fear for my soul crept into my mind.

     The giant reached out and cupped me in its hand. They looked like me, I thought back. Did I just slay a field full of my clan? Who did I kill? No, there were others mixed in, wings, other giants, humans, and gnomes. But, I did this for the glory of my Father, why did this feel wrong now? I didn't understand. The thrill of this once ecstasy inducing field, flowing away from me. The memories of the fallen floating in the valley behind me, calling to me. Now the siren’s call to me, pulling me further back. The countless eyes of the giant still watching me, as if it could see my very thoughts. As if it could see the emotions now running through me, did it? The thought echoing out in the corpse strewn field. 

     A great spear of light struck the giant and pinned it down to the ground by its neck. My Fathers spear, I thought idly. It hadn't registered, I couldn't accept what I was seeing now. This giant with many eyes, who was this? The Great warrior walked forward and immolated the giant. I felt fear well in me, had I failed him? 

     But, those I just killed. Didn't they want this? To serve my Father as I did? They did? The shock of realization of my actions here, like an anchor diving to the bottom of the sea. My mouth had grown dry, my hands trembled. A subtle shift in the mind, the horror of it. The awful realization, that this blood was now mine, till the call of the damned reached for me next. The Great warrior turned, and offered his hand to me. 

***

     She sat up and startled me enough that I faltered in the prayer. The beads slipped out from my grip and clattered to the floor, scattering in a dozen different directions. I could hear them clink in the cave as they met the walls. 

     Her eyes weren't open, but her mouth was moving as if she was speaking. I felt something twitch in the back of my mind, but I couldn't place it, I felt my body twitch in time with my mind. The candles went out one by one around the bedroll as the sheet fell from her shoulders.

     She opened her eyes and the world was filled with sound. A quiet noise that shook the dust from the roof of the cave, a subtle magic starting to form in the air, mesmerizing. Cold, ancient, from her soul, I didn't even notice the others that had wandered in.

     I only realized what was happening after the Chief tried to reach out to her and touch her. I flung a wave of force at the group gathering around and pushed them back. Reaching out to my left, I tapped the ground with my staff, from my cross legged position at the foot of the bedroll.

     I silenced the room, or at least tried to, I needed to temper the magic here. The pressure from her soundless voice, forcing its way into my mind. I resisted it, and saw snow start to form in the air. I pushed my will against hers, and the air grew tight in the cave, the pressure increasing as the snow started to blow out of the cave and gather on the clan. I yelled at the family to leave, to get away. I had to remind myself, this happened sometimes during the ceremony, the old blood awakened. Ancient memory, deep in the bones, eyes that had seen all.

     I waved another wall of force at the family again and forced them to leave. Though I could see it in their eyes, they were trying to resist her magic, they were slowly being compelled to gather around her. Many were failing to resist, their eyes focusing only on her. 

     I was starting to sweat from the effort of trying to silence her spell. My breath growing labored, strength starting to fade. I fell forward both in mind and body, as the spell broke. Ilgor, she had fallen back into the dream. The magic suddenly disappeared in the cave, the snow quickly melting, leaving the soft sand damp. The now haggard group that entered the cave, left with snow caked in their hair. 

     The group at the cave entrance, shaking their heads to clear them, a few rubbing tired eyes. Potent, even by the standards of the faith. The Chief shambled over to me and sat heavily. His bulk made the sand tremble and a small plume of dust billowed up.

     "What was that?" A haggard voice escaped his lips. He rubbed his eyes, clearly the effort to try and resist had taken much out of him in the short time it was active. 

     "A much stronger voice than I would have thought." He helped me back into my cross legged position, and relit the candles around the bedroll.

     "No, I mean what was the compulsion? Why did she sound like a warbling bird?" He sat back next to me, his eyes training on Ilgor’s sleeping form. He got back up and replaced the sheet around her. 

     "Old memories, this process, it's supposed to bring us closer to our Father. Sometimes the Father shows us ancient echoes buried deep in our blood, our bones, from times before even our gods remember." I closed my eyes and continued my prayer of sleep. 

     "This is the first time you're telling me this, what do you mean?" He lifted his brow and turned to me.

     "Yorm, I myself do not understand it well, if at all." I said exasperated from the interruption.

     "That's Chief to you, Mother" he huffed.  

***

     I awoke back in the cave, the candles around me long extinguished. Pools of wax surrounding the bedroll in a loving embrace. Mother was gone, without her prayers echoing in the caves, the silence profound. Her soft voice, gone. The chatter of the family, gone. The life of the caves having been stripped without the noise. The drumming in my ears, was it imagined or was it my heart beat? My head ached as I rose, there was no one here. It felt lonely here without the cave billowing with activity.

     But, wasn't the rest of the clan supposed to be participating in this? Where were they? I got up and finally noticed the floor of the cave filled with fog. The sand felt wet under my hand, like the cave had experienced a flood, then receded weeks ago. The air felt oppressive, suffocating, the fog seemed to be pressuring me to rise. 

     I stumbled to my feet, and my rotten clothes fell away from me. How long have I been lying here? My hands felt strange, but I noticed nothing different. I clambered slowly out of the cave, on my hands and knees, feeling my way through the fog. Passing my hands in wide arcs to feel for obstructions on the floor. I reached the cave entrance and saw the stone walls worn, salt sprayed, deep weathered channels running down the bluffs. 

     The gray overcast sky foretelling of a great storm coming. Where was everyone? There was no one here, only me. The thought echoing in my mind, "Only me, only me, only me". It felt as if someone was ringing a bell in my ears as the thought repeated endlessly. The wind had begun to pick up, grabbing at me like a pair of cold, icy hands. Tossing me to the side of the bluff face. 

     The fog had begun to follow me out of the cave, despite the wind blowing straight into them, I ran. I looked into the other caves and only noticed small mounds in them and more fog. I couldn't see what was in the mounds, only that they were there. The fog crawled out, searching, scratching at the soft sand in the caves in billowing plumes. It still followed me. My heart beating hard in my chest, I searched for my clan. Cave after cave, empty. I started to panic, my breath growing shallow. 

     It had started to rain, the icy drops hitting my skin. Each one feeling like a needle prick, hitting hard, striking home. I ran further still, the soft sanding giving way to dry grass, and coarse dirt. The village was empty, no one was there. Like time had moved on, but I was still here. The caves felt like they had been long abandoned. Stopping under a pine tree, I curled up under the boughs, offering some degree of protection from the rain. I don't remember falling asleep, only waking up again to a loud clap of thunder. The light of the strike, illuminating the silhouette of the boughs. 

     It had grown dark, the winds howling in fits of hysterical laughter. Grabbing at my bare skin, pulling me. Threatened to pull me straight off the ground. A hurricane had blown in while I was asleep, the winds sheer and unrelenting. The rain struck with painful blows.

     It finally pulled me to my feet as it ripped down the great pine I was under. The force throwing me far, the world spun as I left the earth beneath me. Airborne I could see nothing in the dark, only the feeling of weightlessness as I soared, occasionally the lightning exposing the earth beneath me. I landed hard, and clutched at my aching head, feeling as if someone tried to split it open with an axe. My arms and shoulders were bruised from the fall. I rose to my feet and the fog rolled around my feet. My blood went icy as I realized I was thrown back to the empty village.

     The fog rushed out to meet me, oozed out of every cave. The vile vapor spilling ever outward, to surround me. "Only me, only me, only me" My own voice called out echoing my earlier thought, seemingly from nowhere, and everywhere. I turned and tried to run again. I rushed headlong into something, and fell hard on my tailbone, felt my head snap back from the force.

     When the stars cleared from my eyes, something was a few inches away from my face. I screamed, it was a horror, emaciated, hollowed, encrusted in dried blood. It looked like one of my people, only long since dead. A corpse dug from an ancient grave, a sacrilegious abomination. It peered its empty eye sockets to look directly into my eyes with the voids where eyes should have been. 

     I crawled backwards, slowly trying to get away from that thing. I only shuddered, and opened its mouth with a crack, "Only me, only me, only me" It said, ephemeral sounding, echoing off the stone walls of the bluffs. "Why is it only me? Where are they? What have you done?" 

     My hand brushed against something on the ground, I looked down quickly to see a crumbled skull. The fog lifted and the mounds revealed themselves, the long abandoned bodies of my people. The fog swirled around that thing, it moved in a staccato shamble toward me, hand outstretched. "What are you?" My voice trembling, the pain of the knowledge my family was long since dead, cracking the sound.

     "Always was, always been, long forgotten" It said, its voice sounding distant. A bolt of light struck through its chest. Shielding my eyes from it, I saw it was a spear. Pinning the thing to the ground, a figure approached, I couldn't see him. He was indescribable, radiant, glorious. He pulled his spear from the thing, and offered a hand to me. I reached out to him, finger tips almost touching, when I heard Mother's voice.

     "To leave behind the fallen"

     I awoke with a haggard gasp. My voice was raw, thirsty, as if someone filled my mouth with sand. I saw Mother, head arched back, chanting. "For all those we leave behind, for those we make anew." Her eyes rolled back into her head. Then she vanished, in a gust of smoke, snuffing the circle of candles out around her. 

     "No, no, no, no" I whispered into the now dark cave. Panic started to creep in. It was humid, the still air making everything stick to me. Where did she go? I rose quickly to my feet and saw the cave was empty. Not a soul around, only the dark corners of the cave.  A chill ran down my spine, as I saw that thing again, watching me from the darkness, only half its rotten face visible. 

     I ran, sprinting out as fast as I could. I stopped dead in my tracks, the sky was a bright crimson. The stars a mockery of themselves, where points of light would be, were now empty spaces in the unmoving cosmos. The cave mouth felt like it was closing around me as I stood transfixed by the sight before me.

     Somewhere in the back of my mind, I remembered the thing still in the cave. I felt my heart jump to my throat as I turned around and saw it looking back at me. The shadowed visage of a person refusing to leave their body. The horror of the pain in its empty eyes. The jaws of the cave gnashing behind it, rivers of black ichor running from the jowls of the cave. It fell to its knees and crawled toward me, reaching out, seemingly its strength spent. 

     I ran again, I ran and ran, but gained no ground. I always stayed in the same spot, having run to exhaustion, over and over. Panic as I couldn’t even run away, the fear welling in my chest, catching in my throat. That thing, just behind me, reaching out, I could feel it. Its cold fingertips are just a hair's breadth away from touching me. I turned and grabbed the thing by the wrist and threw it away from me. 

     It tumbled in the sand, its skin sloughing off as it spun. Angry flashed like a forge given life, I fixed my eyes on the thing. Breath heavy in my chest I stalked towards it. Whatever it was, I could beat it. If it could bleed, it could die. It rose to its boney feet, its floppy ears hanging limply off its grayed skull, and looked at me with a profound sadness.

     "What are you?!" I screamed at it as I kicked it back to the ground. Its spine snapping as it fell, bent over in an odd angle, a disgusting heap. The bile rose in my throat as I watched the thing drag itself back around to look at me, its legs now uselessly dragging behind it.

     "Family gone, forgotten" It said, its words echoing off the stone walls behind us.

     "Where is my family?!" I roared back at it, "Why am I the only one here?" I grabbed it by its ears, and dropped the thing almost immediately. The thing was looking back at me with my face, that same black ichor running down my face in a mockery of tears.

     The tide crawled up to meet us, the waves feeling like cold hands slapping my legs. The clammy water, a disquieting echo of the thing in front of me. A myriad of cold hands grabbing at both of us, pulling us down deep into the watery sand beneath us. That thing grabbing at my hands, pulling me down with it, the tide rising around, threatening to drown me. Somehow, I wasn’t afraid. Something changed on the corpse's face, it seemed genuine. 

     Another hand reached down and pulled me out the blackened water. Separating me from that thing, it's cold hands still felt real in mine. I looked up to see a great bearded warrior in front of me, a glow emanating from his presence. His eyes, timeless, all encompassing. Leaving in waves from his face. Looking up at him, it finally hit me that he had just pulled me away from that thing.

     He didn't say a word, only walked away from me. The footsteps he left in the sand, looked as if he made them in eternity itself. He only raised his hand and beckoned me to follow, I ran after him. I ran as hard as I could, but I could never catch up to him. He only walked farther away, the distance growing between us. 

*** 

     "The last Mothers never screamed this much in the dreams, did they?"

     "Please keep the family away Father, they need not see this yet."

     "As you will it Mother, are you alright? You are crying."

     "I see what she feels, the anger, the sense of loss, the loss of hope, the Father giving her hope. Only, I can’t place it…" I left her to continue the next phase of the ceremony. She started giving a prayer to Ilgor in a soft voice, barely audible, I couldn't understand what she was saying. I stood at the cave mouth as I stood with my axe in hand and just dared anyone to try and get past me. 

     The sound of Ilgor screaming placed pain in my heart, I gripped the haft of the axe tighter and tried to drown it out. Was this really necessary to become a new Mother? I know I had been told by Mother that the dreams were never a pleasant experience, but I've never seen her look so worried. I felt the wind pull into the cave, and the rush of coiling magic rushed through as Mother continued to pray. Pale light pulsing out, in rhythmic beats as she spoke. Casting shadows on the crowd in front of me.

     The snaps of silence that eclipsed all else, were the worst part. Mother was trying to silence Ilgor's torment, she was trying not to worry the Clan. But, here they were, looking up at me, as most of them sat cross legged in front of me. A large crowd of worried onlookers, wanting this to be over with, for her sake.

***

     I opened my eyes to see an empty grove surrounded by tall dark alder trees. The clouds swirled gently through the canopy, a graceful breeze sweeping through the clearing. Granting a quiet peace, the rustle of the leaves gracing my ears with their whispers. I noticed a lone stump in the middle and walked towards it. Upon getting closer to the lonely stump, there was a burnt pit sitting a few yards away from it. 

     The soft breeze sweeping the joy from me, taking it away to somewhere far beyond my reach. Those same whispers, filling my mind with half formed words, fragments of memories. Far beyond my gaze, past the trees and past the clouds. I sat on the stump suddenly tired. I rested my elbows on my knees and watched the fire burn in the pit. "When did that start?" I asked in the empty air, but I decided I didn't care. I only watched it as the fire crackled and warmed my cold skin.

     Why was I tired? Why was this here? Where was here? But, I decided I didn't care, I only wanted to sleep. I wanted to let the void creeping in the back of my mind, wrap its soft embrace around me. It was comfortable, it felt like it wouldn't lie to me. My eyes grew heavy, but rest would not come, I knew it. The feeling of apathy sinking in, nothing really mattered did it?

     I only sat there, thinking about nothing in particular. Thoughts are just a jumbled meandering stream of half formed ideas, words unfinished, dreams left unfinished. Only the void and its embrace, a soft, quiet darkness. I closed my eyes and let it take me for just a moment. Felt my mind go blank, and at last a moment of peace. Empty of thought, empty of worry, empty of hope. This darkness creeps ever further, threatening to bring me closer. Offering an escape from the emptiness inside me. 

     I opened my eyes to see the grove cleared of dark alders. Only thousands of stumps, with my clan sitting on them as I was. The inferno had grown in size, its coals molten, flowing across the clearing to warm the clan. I saw all the faces I loved, my family. My Chief, my Priestess, Til, Yvet, Ghet, Hob, Cori, all of them. Somewhere in my heart I was pleased to see them, a warmth in my chest I wanted to keep here.

     I said to the crowd before me, "Far too much work" and closed my eyes again. The grayed out stream of air passing between my lips, falling out, spilling out in great waves of sound. I opened my eyes again to see the eyes of my family gone. I should have been surprised by this, but somehow this just wouldn’t register in my mind. Empty voids where they should have been, it reminded me of that thing. Only now they understood the comforting embrace of this soft darkness.

     I could see it on their faces, the arms of this feeling wrapping them all in their own tight embrace. The spark of understanding, the point of it, perhaps this is what that was. Just to accept the emptiness of the mind. What was the point in continuing this endeavor, I just sat on my stump and let the feeling wash past me. 

     The tides of the emotion rising, then falling, trying to rise and break, and rise and break again, leaving it behind just as it felt it should. The great sea of the joy of life, washing out with that tide. Why continue on? I just couldn't bring myself to care, and close my eyes again.

     The breeze returned, but brought forth the warmth of a summer night. I opened my eyes to see the clan gone, the trees had returned. Leaving only a faint memory of them behind, like a whisper spoken with lips on the other side of the world. A distant echo of what was, what was there. Four new stumps were around the blaze now. Each with a new person on one. The sound of the rustling leaves filling the air between us all.

     I had never seen these people before, the one to my right. A tall woman, with a kind smile. Bright Cerulean eyes, with fiery red hair done in a long pleated braid running between her massive wings. The kind you'd see in a dense jungle on the fluttering strides of monarchs. She watched me and smiled. She closed her eyes, and waved her hand at the rest.

     Another sitting to my left, looking like she was one of my people. Only she had soft tan skin, and long ears that hung past her knees. She stared back at me with the deepest purple eyes, as if the clearest night sky were given form. She smiled sweetly at me, with a kindness I would never understand. She flicked her tail out and wrapped it around my waist. It didn't feel awkward, more like a sister holding my hand. They both looked at the other on the side of the fire.

     A massive brute with tired eyes. He sat easily hunched over at four or five times my height. His blue skin, the same as a cold sea on a foggy morning. He reminded me of an old friend I had yet to meet, yet had always known. He raised his incomprehensibly wide hand to me in acknowledgement and smiled at me. 

     The fourth was another woman, twice my height. Her raven black hair flowed in endless curls shifting from form to form, like black smoke from a roaring flame. Her angled fox-like face, belying a mothers soft tones. She seemed to shift from old to young, constantly, endlessly, as if she too didn't know whether or not she was here or to move on. 

     They felt familiar, comforting. A warmth in my chest began to grow as they all smiled at me. The feeling of life returning to me once again. The same way my Mother and Father did, the same way the clan did. The not quite Goblin woman next to me opened her mouth and spoke, but I heard nothing. She looked frustrated, reddened, and hid her face with her hand. She held my hand with her other, and squeezed softly. 

     They all tried to speak, but I heard nothing. I only cocked my head and looked confused. While their mouths moved, my mind would understand the words. Only now they looked past me, to something behind me. Their smiles fading, a sadness blowing in with the shifting breeze. I closed my eyes and tried to remember their faces. They seemed like kind strangers, the kind you'd want around your fire, just to enjoy the company. The woman that held my hand, as if she was an old friend that I had not seen in many years. A kind mother, offering comfort to a small child. I couldn’t remember her face. 

     I opened my eyes again to see them gone. The fire had died, not even hot coals left in its hearth. The emptiness finding its way to the back of my eyes again, I tried to remember the strangers faces again, and couldn't. I looked around to see the trees were gone again, only there was not even the memory of stumps left behind in their absence. 

     A realization slowly dawned on me, as I saw my weathered hands. Felt the canyons etched into my face, the rivers of life that had carved them. I rose to my feet and asked again to the empty air, "Where is my family? Why didn't I care? I should have tried harder with those strangers!" 

     I spun around to see the great warrior behind me on the other side of the cold fire. A goblet in his hand, taking a deep drink of the dark liquid. His eyes bored into me, the immensity of his gaze shaking me to the core. I met his gaze again, and asked "Who are you?"

     He merely pointed at me, and offered his hand out to me. 

***

     "She is drenched in sweat"

     "The others have done well in the ceremony thus far"

     Ghet stepped between Mother and the Chief and asked "Is she finished? Can she rest?" The worry in his voice was palpable. 

     There was a long pause as the soft words of her prayers filled the cave. "No, Bhal has much to show her, son" Mother spoke, and continued to chant her prayer again. The magic pulsing out of her hands once more. 

     "But, it has been three days already! She can't keep this going, do you intend to kill her?"

     The Chief rose and stood defiantly chest to chest with Ghet. "Yes, it has been a longer ceremony than most. But, Mother has told us already that sometimes this can take a while. So sit and be quiet." He practically dared Ghet to challenge him. 

     Ghet huffed, and stormed off to rejoin the rest of the raiders gathered at the cave mouth. The wax was still hardening on their fingertips as they were all asked to draw one of the clan symbols on Ilgor's arms and legs as part of the ritual. The magic flowed from the Priestess to the symbols they had drawn, and said a prayer in a language none of us understood. It too sounded like the language Ilgor had used when her spell compelled the clan to enter the cave. 

     "Mother, I too, worry. The longest one you had ever heard of was three days, is there a precedent to say otherwise?" He whispered, resting his head on his chest, closing his eyes.  

     "In the days of the forging of the truth. The Priestess' underwent long trials as she is. Old magic, raw, divine, as Bhal intended." She said.

     "What has she seen now?" The Chief asked, but was interrupted by Ilgor saying in her sleep, haggard and hoarse "No, please don't leave, not again. I need you." He closed his eyes, and tried not to think about it.

     "A deep sense of loss, one that she must drag herself out of." A tear ran down her face. “Something long lost in her memory, something remembered. At least that is the feeling I’m getting.” 

     “How are you feeling what she is?” 

     “The prayers connecting the symbols, the clan symbol on her head. They allow me to instill my memories to her, so that she may know. There's just the issue that I feel what she feels while I’m doing this…” 

     The Chief sighed and grabbed his axe and left for the mouth of the cave again. "For those that we have lost, For those we have forgotten. For the will of Bhal are the words we need. For the divine will is the hope we subsist of. The grace you've left behind, we follow, oh Great Chief." A soft blue light pulsed from the Priestess and made its way to the symbols drawn on Ilgor's skin.

***

     The world was empty, no trees, no mountains, no clouds in the endless expanse of the sea in the sky. Only this empty field, the grass swaying softly in the wind. From horizon to horizon nothing but grass, if there was nothing here, I might as well walk and think. The wind was my only companion as I watched the waves across the sea of grass. I choose a direction at random, as if it mattered. There was light here, but no sun to give me a clue of which was which. 

     I chose to focus on the feeling of the grass brushing against my legs. Soft brushes of life, painting their experience across my skin, the memory of their existence. I ran my hands along the tops of the fronds, savoring the feeling of something again. That last nightmare left me feeling as empty as this one was. Like nothing mattered, why should I continue?

     But, this world. This dream. This felt somehow empty, but full; maybe it was just the grass. Or the fact that I could find myself feeling joy at something again. I walked for hours, and still nothing but grass. No coastline, no hills, no clouds, not even the sun's journey across the sky. Flat and endless, the only thing this could be described as. 

     I walked for what felt like days, I never got thirsty, or hungry. My legs never got tired, my feet never pained. To some this might be a paradise, to others this could be Elysium. An endless test of patients, an eternity to reflect and think. I walked on for weeks, before something finally appeared in the distance. Though I could not tell how far, I only knew that it was still a ways off. The top of a massive hill, maybe a plateau?

     As it grew closer, I was able to recognize it as the walls of a city, a truly ancient one. I walked through its crumbling walls, still everything was nothing but grass on the ground. It grew on every flat surface, the tops of the crumbled walls, the tops of the buildings that still stood, on the walls of the fallen buildings. This place felt old beyond comprehension. Like time didn’t matter here, as if this place had always been built like this. 

     The stone of the walls was something I had never seen before, a soft swirled patterned in the rock. Gray slate, infused with maybe Granite? Though, as I studied the stone, it didn't really seem to fit. Like someone had just mashed two materials together, and called it something else. It looked like a mockery of stone to me. Looking back around, all the buildings were made of the same material. Like a painter that decided they liked one thing too much.

     I ventured deeper into the ruined city, peering into as many of the buildings as I could. No bones, no bodies, no furnishings. It seemed as if no one had ever lived here, not even rot on the walls or floors of the dwellings. "An empty city built for who?" I asked myself. My voice being drowned out by the hush of the grass moving in the wind.

     There was only this grass, and the ruins. What was this place? I walked for days, searching each building, only to find nothing. No broken glass, no char from fire, no dust to hang in the air. The breeze never changed either, it always came from the same direction, from the center of the city it would seem. Only I still couldn’t see it, as far as I could see there were these ruined buildings stretching to the horizon. 

     I walked further still, until I came to another walled off section of the city. Maybe this was the center? I touched the heavy brass doors of the gate, and they fell away in a great boom inside the walls. I walked inside, and found there was still only the grass, and another empty section to the city. I turned around and found that the gates showed only empty fields behind me, the city had vanished. 

     I poked my head back out, and the city suddenly popped back into existence. Why would that happen, a gate that hid a city like that? I turned back around and continued walking into the meadow covered city center, confident I could go back through the gate to continue on. Though I couldn't see anymore of the walls, they continued on past the horizon, and I assumed they just made an enormous circle around this place. 

     I walked on into the breeze, letting my hair blow out behind me. I took a few moments to enjoy the sensation, the warm breeze running across my body, my tail whipping in the wind. I do not recall how long I stood there leaning into the wind, arms splayed out feet wide apart, enjoying the feeling of being alive. An appreciation I couldn’t express, after having experienced those strangers leaving.

     I wondered where everyone was, how was the clan? How was Caleb? I let my thoughts wander idly as I began walking again. I could see smoke in the distance. "Maybe someone is here after all!" I excitedly told myself. 

     I started to run toward the smoke, and watched as slowly, ever so slowly a clearing of grass started and was centered around a large campfire. With a wind beaten tree off to the side. There were a few stone chairs around it, five in total. I wondered who else was here, maybe I'd finally get to speak to someone else for the first time in weeks. 

     I sat at one of the chairs, and suddenly felt my exhaustion. I was tired to the bone, tired to my soul. I didn't even have the strength to stand back up. It came on so quickly, it hit in a great wave, enveloping me so completely. I decided to watch the fire, and rest. I did not remember falling asleep, but I awoke sometime later. The first thing I noticed was that it was finally night. “So time did move sometimes here,” I thought idly. 

     The second thing I noticed was that there were no stars. The heavens were empty, just like this place was. The fire was still burning, and the heat from it felt nice in the cool humid night air. I leaned forward and rubbed the sleep from my eyes. I yawned.

     "You always seem to end up where I'm not expecting" A deep sonorous voice echoed beside me. 

     I jumped, and turned to look at the great warrior sitting besides me. His eyes seemed to be wafting out of his sockets in great flames. He wore a rusted suit of scaled armor that was trimmed in gold and silver in intricate patterns. He had a greatsword resting against his shoulder with the tip planted deep in the dirt. I finally recognized the warrior as Bhal. 

     His divinity emanated from his body in great waves, like the inescapable power of the sea gracing itself on a shoreline, instilling a sense of pride in my soul. He turned to look at me and his gaze pinned me to the spot. He did not smile, nor show any emotion on his face as he spoke "I am happy you made it here, through the trials you have endured. The feelings of anguish and resentment. You stand by my side, here in my realm." 

     His armor was loud in my ears as he rose to his feet, and swung his sword back up to shoulder. He walked to the flame in the clearing and peered deeply into it for quite a while.

     I noticed something at the base of the fire, something charred. He muttered something to himself, the feeling of anger, physical in the air. I realized they were skulls, of species I couldn't identify, three of them. 

     He turned back to me and offered his hand out to me. My eyes flicked back and forth from him and the fire. He said nothing, only continued to hold his hand out. Waiting for me.

***

     I awoke back in the caves. Panic filled me as I looked into the corners of the cave for horrors. But, I saw my clan around me, the circle of candles having burned low. Great pools of wax surrounding the bedroll I was on. I saw Mother still chanting a prayer, soft swirls of magic flowing from her hands. 

     That magic I felt flowing into the symbols that covered every inch of me. Symbols for family, memory, resilience, strength, wisdom. From my hands to my chest and my thighs I felt the sting of heat, where the clan had written the symbols in hot wax. I looked around and saw most of them had noticed I was awake now. 

     Many were smiling at me, many more had tears in their eyes and looks of relief on their tired faces. Mother had also stopped chanting to look at me. She said in a worn out voice "Welcome home daughter, so the will of Bhal has been made known to you. Your family awaits your guidance."

     "This isn't another dream? This is real now? I'm home?" I asked, my voice beginning to crack.

     Several dozen of the clan jumped to hug me, and welcomed me back. I had apparently been out for a few days during the ceremony. I had also apparently done some strange things as well. They asked constant questions, which I refused to answer. I really didn't feel like talking at the moment. Mother had come over and handed me one of her old robes to wear. One that still looked new to me, it was more or less a hooded poncho. 

     A few hours later, I sat under the night sky watching the stars. I missed them with a longing I never knew I had after seeing Bhal's realm where he had none at all. I still didn't feel like I was back home, as all the dreams had felt equally real to me. I had many questions, many I didn't know if I'd ever get an answer too. What were those things? That corpse that stole my face? That massive thing with the eyes? Who were those people by the fire? Was Bhal always going to be there to save me at the end? Why were there skulls in that fire?

     I jumped as someone touched my shoulder. Whipping my saber out of its sheath and pointing it at the shadow behind me. The sound of ringing metal hung in the air as Mother spoke, "Relax daughter, it's only me"

     My eyes adjusted a bit more, and Mother was there. Her old staff in hand, casting a soft light. "Are you? How do I know that?" I suppose the terror in my voice said more than my actual question, as she brightened her light and illuminated her full form and dispelled the shadows of night around us.

     Her kind eyes and friendly smile were the same as I remembered. "You had a much longer trial than I did. You were gone for six days, mine was two. I know it isn't a pleasant experience, but you are back." 

     She walked up to me and gave me a tight hug. "You really are back." She said as she guided my hands to put my sword away. She tried to talk to me more as we both sat back down on the log I was resting at. But, I just couldn't bring myself to talk about what I had seen. The horrors are too fresh in my mind, the sense of loss is potent right now. Not yet.

     Not yet.